


The Bend Before The Break.

by IanxMilkovich



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alcohol, Anal Sex, Angst, Character Death, Daryl is having a hard time after being captured, Daryl is sad, First Kiss, First Time, Glenn and Abraham died, Hurt/Comfort, Ill add new tags after new chapters, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Internalized Homophobia, Jesus is sad, Jesus wants to be there for Daryl, Just mention of attempt, M/M, NOT daryl or jesus, Panic Attacks, Pining, Slow Burn, Smut, after the war, not detailed, push and pull
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-26
Updated: 2017-03-28
Packaged: 2018-09-27 00:32:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 24,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9941327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IanxMilkovich/pseuds/IanxMilkovich
Summary: Daryl is a stubborn son of a bitch and Jesus just can't seem to leave him alone.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is pretty messy. I'm a bit inconsistent sometimes but I tried. Sorry it's not the best. But I hope you like it!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for these first few chapters. They're a bit poorly written. I haven't wrote in a few years, but I'm getting the hang of it again. Please don't be to harsh on me. I hope you enjoy. <3

 

Daryl closed the cap to the gas tank of his motorcycle and threw his rag over his shoulder after patting his forehead dry. The days were getting hotter and he could tell the peak of summer was here. The sweat covered him and cooled his skin as the wind breezed by.

Daryl felt good getting out of his house. He hated night time. Couldn't ever sleep. That's why he needed to go out for a ride. Which was pretty much an everyday thing now. Everyone has been cleaning and rebuilding Alexandria for weeks and Daryl just couldn't stick around to help with it. Maggie and Sasha would frequently break down. As would others who lost their loved ones. Maybe he was being selfish, but hell, he couldn't be any help. He was never good with words. What was he supposed to say after losing Glenn and Abraham? He was hurting too, and He couldn't let himself break down in front of them. He had to be stronger than that. For them.

Daryl rolled his stiff shoulders back trying to release the tension. He just got back from his morning run, but he wasn't satisfied with what he brought back. It felt like a long day, but considering it was only noon, He was heading back out. Everyone knew Daryl's run were more of a stress relief than needing supplies. So they just let him go. After killing Negan and almost all the Saviors, minus the ones who ran away, they raided the Sanctuary, and took just about everything. They were almost fully stocked on everything now. But Daryl needed to get out. He needed to clear his head. He still wasn't used to staying in one place since the breakout. And after everything. Being basically tortured, Daryl was having a lot of issues that he was having trouble handling and getting out and riding was his only medicine.

"Where are you heading tonight?" Carol appeared in the driveway of his garage.

"Out." Daryl grunted after peering over at her.

"Well, I guess that much. Where to?" Carol hummed. Smiling at him but it didn't quite meet her eyes.

"D'nno."

 "Well, I was wondering if you could stop by once you get back. I need your help with something." she said stepping up to him to lay a hand on his shoulder.

"Yeah, sure." he nodded to her.

"Be careful out there. Rick said theres more walkers out there tonight. Must be hearing all the rebuilding." Carol smirked sadly and gave his shoulder a squeeze. "I mean it. Be careful."

"I will." Daryl grunted in mock-annoyance.

He walked over to a shelf in the corner of his garage and pulled out a small copper set of measuring cups. He figured Carol had been baking so much to feed everyone working hard outside. He knew it was something small but he wanted to thank her somehow for how wonderful she's been. He handed them over to her and watched her and she smiled softly.

"Figured you needed them. Knew you only had the one. " Daryls voice was rough but still quiet and insecure.

"Thank you, Daryl." She smiled bright and wrapped an arm around him tight and squeezed.

"Yeah." He grunted and stepped away, throwing his leg over his motorcycle.

"Like I said-" Carol started.

"Yeah. Yeah." He grunted. "Won't be long."

And with that, his engine roared to life and he sped off towards the gates.

 

 

*

 

 

Maggie sat sadly in one of Carol's dinning room chairs, watching Carol dance around the kitchen, mixing ingredients and what not. Jesus sat next to her and toyed with his beanie in his lap. They were all tired but Jesus knew Maggie needed the extra comfort tonight. She's been working herself sick.

 "The baby is getting bigger. I'm starting to get a bump." Maggie smiled sadly.

"Yeah. You are." Carol smiled. "You're going to be an amazing mom, Maggie."

Jesus smiled over to Maggie at the compliment. She will be. He could tell. She was one of the strongest women he knew.

"I hope." She frowned bitterly. "I'm trying to be strong. I really am."

"You are. And you will be." Carol assured her. "That's what Glenn loved about you."

"The baby is going to grow up never knowing how amazing he was." She choked on the words as a tear rolled down her cheek. Jesus reached across the table and placed a gentle hand on hers. He smiled to her, hoping that it would comfort her.

"That little baby will know. Because we're still here." Carol came over to the table and knealed down in front of her.

"Because of him. We're all still here because of him. His bravery. His loyalty. His love. " Carol leaned up and embrace her into a hug. "The baby will know, sweetheart."

That's when they heard to front door creak and they turned to see Daryl standing in the doorway looking awkward, not knowing what to say or do. Carol smiled over to him.

"Hey. I didn't know you'd be back so soon. Just give me a few and I'll be out." Carol smiled to him and turned back to Maggie.

"You okay?" Daryl gruffed out.

Maggie nodded sweetly to him. She knew he still held the guilt and Daryl was the last person she wanted to be caught crying in front of.

"M'fine. Just tired." She wasn't entirely lying.

"Get some rest. They can finish up themselves." Daryl hoped she would.

"I will." She nodded reassuringly. "Thank you, Daryl."

Daryl just nodded awkwardly and turned to walk out.

 

 

*

 

Daryl sat on Carol's porch step, inhaling his cigarette. It was dark and It looked like a storm was coming. Unfortunately that was the reason he was back already. He was so exhausted as well. He already knew he wouldn't be able to sleep. He just ran a hand through his hair and sighed.

Daryl heard the front door behind him and he looked over to see Jesus walking over to join him on the stairs. Daryl nodded at him and took another drag of his cigarette.

"She really okay?" Daryl grunted

"I think so." Jesus said confidently. "She's strong."

Daryl nodded in approval. He felt useless and guilty.

"You okay?" Jesus asked honestly. Daryl just chuckled.

"Yeah." Daryl grunted.

"Rick and Carol are worried about you."

"M'fine." Daryl sighed.

"You've been gone almost every day since-" Jesus was cut off by Daryl aggressively throwing his cigarette to the ground and stomping it out.

"I told you, m'fine."Daryl scoffed. "What do you care?"

"I care about this group. These are good people. And they care about you, Daryl. Stop running away from them." Jesus said strongly.

"I ain't running from nothing. You don't know me." Daryl growled.

"I think I know enough." Jesus said, rolling his eyes.

"Whatever." Daryl rolled his eyes.

He pulled out another cigarette and kept trying to light it with his dud lighter.

"I don't know what they did to you but-"Jesus started

"Don't." Daryl grunted, panic coursed through him.

"I'm sorry." Jesus looked at him, his green eyes held with worry and impatience.

Daryl shrugged, and flicked an annoyed thumb over the lighter, trying to ignite it again.

Daryl glanced at him and couldn't find it in him to be angry right now. He was just happy Jesus was smart enough to stop talking about it. He was grateful for the hippy saving him, he was. And helping his people with the war. It should be more than enough to trust the guy. He just still couldn't adjust to the man suddenly becoming a part of his small family. He knew he wasn't a bad guy. He proved it many times. But Daryl just didn't know what to think of him. There was just something different about him that made Daryl uneasy. Jesus was to good with words. He was so well loved by everyone in his group and that just made Daryl want to not trust him.

 "Carol said Maggie is using her shower and then headed home, but you can go in now." Jesus said as he stood and reached into his coat pocket to pull out a lighter. He placed it on Daryl's knee.

"I think I'm going to go on the run with you tomorrow. Need a couple things." Jesus said and he hopped down the stairs and started off towards Sasha's house.

"M' going early." Daryl grunted, hoping the kid would change his mind.

"I'll be waiting by the gates." Jesus yelled to him in the distance.

Daryl just huffed in defeat, picking up Paul's lighter and lighting his cigarette. This damn kid was such a pain in the ass.

 

  
*

 

It was nearly morning and the sun was just starting up over the trees. Jesus barely slept last night, He sat next to Sasha most of the night on her sofa, and comforted her as she silently sobbed. He wished he could fix all of this. This horrible reality that the world has now become. It seemed like no matter how hard you fought you still lost people. Jesus stroked her hair until his eyes became heavy and soon enough they both dosed off on the sofa.

He blinked his eyes carefully at the dim light starting to shine through the window. Shit. He needed to be at the gates....now. Daryl might've already left. Hopefully not. He needed to get some personal things and he didn't want to go out alone after everything. Knowing there were Saviors out there, the ones that got away.

Jesus noticed Sasha in the kitchen humming some sad tune and making eggs on the stove. He smiled to himself.

 "Morning." Jesus said, standing up and stretching above the couch. "If you don't need me, I'm going on a run with Daryl this morning...That is if he hasn't left already."

"Of course." Sasha smiled kindly. "But, hey, If you come across any chocolate, could you get me some? I'd like to repay Carol for the pie."

"Sure" He nodded to her and told her he needed to run before Daryl left without him.

 

 

*

 

"I'll be waiting by the gates, huh?" Daryl mocked as Jesus jogged up to the gates.

"Sorry. I was up late last night, slept in." Jesus was out of breath. "Thanks for not leaving without me."

Daryl just grunted and swung his leg over his bike.

"Hop on."

"We taking your bike?"

"Yeah."

"How are we going to bring anything back?"

"Not getting anything big. C'mon." Daryl grunted impatiently, starting his bike up.

Jesus sat behind Daryl and wrapped an arm firmly around his warm stomach and held tight. He jolted back as Daryl sped off out on to the bare roads and he wasn't going to ask anymore questions. Daryl seemed edgy today. Not that it was different than any other day.

 

 

*

 

This was Jesus's first time on Daryl's motorcycle since breaking him out of the Sanctuary. And to be honest it feels just like his first time. Or he's just getting the chance to really appreciate it this time. The cool morning air blowing his hair out of his face and feeling the engine vibrate underneath him. He felt like he was flying. It was so freeing. He couldn't help but smile to himself.

"No wonder you love this thing." Jesus yelled over the noise.

Daryl just grunted.

"Gonna have to get me one of these."

Jesus felt Daryl chuckle against his arms that were wrapped around him and he smiled to himself.

 

 

*

 

They found a small convenience store a few miles down the road. Judging by all the scattered items, Jesus guesses most of the necessities would be gone. Good thing they didn't need anything of the sort. Jesus wasn't sure what Daryl was looking for. He'd been out almost everyday now. Surely he had everything he needed. Jesus hoped he'd find what he needed without Daryl lingering around. Some things were necessary in the apocalypse, and when you're queer...lube is one of them. Jesus giggled to himself as he roamed the isles near the pharmacy. Daryl flashed his light toward Jesus's direction.

"What you laughing at?" Daryl scrunched his face in curiosity.

"Nothing. " Jesus chuckled to himself again.

"Jus' hurry up, Wanna get back before they start the fire."

"We should find some more beers. Aaron said they're running low on wine and I'd like to drink tonight."

"Yeah. There's some in the back. Think you can put them in your bag for the ride?"

Jesus nodded to him as he found the lube. A shit ton of it, actually.

"M' gonna grab a few. Think I'll have some too." Daryl grunted. "Got room?"

"Yeah."

Daryl disappeared to the back of the store as Jesus grabbed a few bottles hiding them at the bottom of his bag.  
Daryl reappeared with a few cases of beer, catching Jesus right in front of all the lubricants.

"Lube huh?" Daryl said bluntly. Jesus knew Daryl was just fucking with him.

"A gay man's holy grail." Jesus joked, barely blushing, holding one up.

Daryl laughed awkwardly and raised the beers to show him he found them.

"Better get going. Took longer to get here than I thought."

"Wait, I need to find some Chocolate for Sasha."

 

 

*

 

On the way back to Daryl's motorcycle, an unnoticed walker must've got a hold of Jesus's foot, tripping him out of it's grasp, but right onto the motorcycle's handlebar, bashing his head pretty hard. Jesus let out a hard 'oof' and laid on the dirt floor in shock. Daryl pulled out his knife and quickly stabbed it in the head.

"You okay?" Daryl asked leaning down to look at his head. It was bleeding but it didn't look to serious. Nothing the doc couldn't patch up.

"I think so." Jesus shook his head in irritation and rubbed at his forehead.

"Here, C'mon." Daryl offered a hand and pulled him to his feet quickly.

Jesus dusted himself off and swung his leg over the bike after Daryl settled.

 

 

*

 

 

Jesus felt like this was the longest ride of his life. His head was starting to ache and his eyes were starting to get tired. But he held tightly onto Daryl as they weaved through old cars. He slumped forward and started to lay his head onto Daryl's back. He just couldn't hold his head up any longer.

"Paul? You alright?" Daryl looked back at him.

Jesus just gripped onto the front of his flannel and nodded his head against Daryl's back, not having the energy to yell back.

"Hold on." Daryl said with that raspyness in his voice.

Daryl revved the engine, and hurried them to Alexandria, quicker than before.

 

 

*

 

Jesus opened his eyes as he felt them slowing down to wait for the gates to open. Daryl has a hand wrapped around both of Jesus's arms. Holding him steady, so he couldn't fall back.

The gates opened and he pulled in, driving straight to the doctors, passing everyone that was getting the fire ready.

"He okay?" Rick shouted at him as they pass by.

"D'no. Going to see the doc." Daryl yelled back.

Daryl pulled his bike right up to the porch's staircase and nudged Jesus awake.

"Hey, Can you stand?"

"Yeah." Jesus picked his head up off Daryl and stood up off the bike unsteadily.

Daryl wrapped an arm up under Jesus's waist and threw Jesus's arm around his shoulder to help him up the stairs.

"Oh my god, what happened?" Asked Denise.

"Dumb ass got tripped by a walker. Hit his head on my bike."

Daryl brought him over to the bed and made sure he was steady before stepping back and watching Denise examine him. She looked around the wound. It didn't look to back behind all the blood. Just split the skin a little. She clicked her flashlight in his eyes checking to see if he had a concussion.

"No signs of a concussion, so that's good. Looks like he might've just gotten a little woozy." She said clicking her flashlight off. "Have you eaten today?"

"Not since last night." Jesus looked up at her through his eyelashes, he just looked like a boy.

"You should eat. You might've passed out from the ride. Daryl's motorcycle can be scary." She laughed, side-eyeing Daryl.

Daryl just huffed at her.

"Let me get this cleaned up first and then I'll get you something to eat." She said as she started getting her supplies.

"He okay then?" Daryl asked looking at him. Jesus sat with his hands on his forehead and rubbed it tenderly.

"Yeah. Someone should sit with him tonight though. Make sure he'll be alright."

"No, I'm okay. I don't wanna ruin the party for anyone. I'll be okay. I'll just go lay down."

"You really should-" Denise started.

"I'll stay with him. Dumb ass might bump his damn head again." Daryl shifted his weight with a hand on his waist and he rolled his eyes.

"Daryl, you don't have to." Jesus rolled his eyes at the man's attitude.

"If I don't, Carol or Maggie will." Daryl grunted. "Don't want that. They need ta' relax."

Jesus just nodded not wanting to argue anymore.

"Make sure he doesn't fall asleep for at least a few hours. I don't think it's anything serious, but just in case. And if you feel any worse just come get me. I'm going to be at the bonfire tonight." Denise said as she handed him a tuna sandwich.

"Thank you." He said as he took it from her.

Daryl noticed how delicate and strong Jesus's hands were at the same time. They looked so small and fragile, yet so rough and powerful looking. Daryl knew first hand they were anything but weak. Judging from the way he's seen Jesus fight with his hands. He'd never admit it, but he was pretty impressed by them.

"C'mon, I gotta take these beers to Rick." Daryl said nodding towards the door. "You good?"

"Yeah. I'm feeling a little better." Jesus said quietly

 

 

*

 

"You sure you shouldn't be laying down?" Rick asked Jesus for the second time tonight.

He's nursing a beer and laughing along with everyone but he was still giving him concerned looks every once in a while. Jesus couldn't appreciate this group enough. He's never felt more at home than he has here. Even before the break-out. This felt like family. He hoped one day he could fit right in.

"Yeah. Denise said I need to stay awake. So why not hang out here with everyone else." Jesus shrugged.

Rick just nodded at him and took a sip of his beer. Daryl was sitting between Rick and Maggie, talking about something that looked interesting. Jesus couldn't help but watch Daryl. He's never seen him like this before. He looked so free and calm. He was sitting on a lawn chair, with a beer in his hand, talking to Carl about something that looked funny. Daryl's teeth showing as he laughed along. Jesus didn't know why this guy put on such a front.

"C'mon Daryl. Drink another one with me!" Rick whined.

"Can't." Daryl laughed at Rick. He looked toasted already and he only had three beers.

  
"C'monnnn." Rick said waving a beer at him.

"Can't. I gotta watch this prick tonight. Make sure he doesn't have a concussion of whatever."

"You don't have to Daryl. I told you I'll be alright." Jesus said looking uncomfortable. He felt bad for keeping Daryl from getting to relax with everyone. He didn't like being a burden.

"Nah. M' getting tired anyway. Got up early t'day." Daryl grunted. "Think I'm gonna head back."

"Ahh. Alright. " Rick laughed and patted him on the shoulder. "Get some sleep. I need some help putting that wall back up in the morning."

"Kay." Daryl nodded. "You coming?" Looking at Jesus.

"Yeah." Jesus sighed and stood up, saying goodnight to everyone.

 

 

*

 

 

Daryl held the door behind him for Jesus to reach. Daryl's house was small compared to all the other houses in Alexandria. Jesus thinks he might've wanted it that way. He watched as Daryl went straight for the kitchen and grabbed himself a glass from the cabinet and poured himself some water.

"Want a drink?" Daryl asked eventually, realizing his rudeness.

"Yeah. Water please." Jesus found his way to Daryl's sofa and sat himself on it, leaning his head back against it.

Daryl filled him a glass and sat it in from of him on the coffee table, and sat down on the opposite side of the couch.

"Thank you." Jesus said softly as he leaned up to reach for it.

Daryl just nodded at him.

"Not just for the water. Thanks for looking out for me today. I know it's that last thing you wanna do." Jesus said sincerely. "So thank you."

Daryl just nodded in thought. Taking note of how honest Jesus was in his appreciation.  
They sat silently for a while while Jesus finished his water and sat forward, rubbing at his head again.

"What you did for me back at the Sanctuary, not a lot of people woulda' done that." Daryl said as if he was forcing himself. He never got the chance to thank him, and that was something he needed to show his gratitude for. Jesus risked his own life just to save Daryl's.

"Thank you." Daryl said strongly actually looking him in the eyes.

Jesus just smiled in return, not knowing what to say. He knew how hard it was coming from Daryl.

"How's your shoulder doing?" Jesus asked glancing down at it.

Daryl rolled it in place and frowned.

"S' fine. Coulda' been worse."

Jesus remembered how Daryl looked that day. He looked so pale and thin. He was hardly able to steer his motorcycle. By the time they got back to Hilltop, he nearly passed out before they got the gates open. Jesus frowned sadly at the memory. Daryl wasn't as bad as he liked to pretend to be and Daryl showing his appreciation to him like this proved it.

"Can I see it?" Jesus asked before thinking. He hoped the man wouldn't punch him. Daryl just started at him for a moment in confusion.

"What 'fore?" Daryl said defensively.

"Just want to see how it's healing." Jesus said calmly, scooting closer to him, reaching for his shirt.

Daryl shooed his hands away, giving him an annoyed look. He reached down himself to pull up his shirt and over his head. Revealing swollen red skin around the wound. It looked like it has scabbed over already, but still looked quiet painful. Jesus wondered if he was taking anything for the pain.

"Have you been putting on that cream Denise gave you?"

"Don't need it. M' healin'" Daryl said looking down at his chest and sighing. He tugged his shirt back over his head and leaned back into the couch.

"Where's it at? I'm going to put some on your shoulder." Jesus said as he stood.

"It's fine." Daryl grunted.

"Would you stop being so stubborn and just make it easier on yourself? Wheres the cream at?"

Daryl just looked at him as if he could telepathically tell him 'Fuck you'.

"Cupboard." Daryl said with annoyance. Deciding he didn't have the energy to argue.

Jesus headed up the stairs to find the bathroom. When he reached the top of the stairs he leaned against the wall as his head started to hurt.He could feel the throb of his heart beat in his head. He definitely thinks he should eat something. Jesus walked slowly into Daryl's bedroom, looking around at everything. It looked as if Daryl hasn't done anything to it. Nothing looked disturbed, beside the bed, which was messy with pillows and sheets all rucked up. Jesus figured Daryl didn't care much for making it feel like home. He found the bathroom, and walked in, deciding he needed to pee before he looked for the antibiotic.  
He zipped his pants up after finishing and washed his hands. Daryl's soap also looked untouched. Daryl wasn't one to wash often. He figured what was the point? Jesus could understand it. Hell, He'd probably be the same way if Gregory hadn't hounded him about it. Now he just felt like he needed to out of habit.

Jesus opened the cabinet and grabbed the antibiotic cream. When he closed it, he just stared at himself in the mirror, noticing so many things on his face that has changed since the outbreak. He now had a big tidey beard, and his hair was a lot longer. And his eyes looked more wild. He always remembered his mom telling him how big and beautiful his eyes were. Now he just saw the bags that were starting to settle and his eyes weren't filled with as much love and hope as they used to. How could they in this new world?

"What's taking ya so long?" Daryl broke Jesus from his trance on the mirror.

"Sorry. My head just starting hurting." Jesus shook his head freeing his thoughts.

"Here. Sit down. I can put it on in here." Jesus directed him to the toilet seat.

Daryl closed the lid before sitting down and pulling his shirt over his head again. His hair fell all around his face and he tried to shake it away. He looked down at his shoulder and sighed.

"You're lucky I saw it before anyone else." Jesus said as he opened the cap and poured the cream on his fingers.

"It ain't that bad. You make it sound like I'm gonna have to chop it."

"It's scabbed over a little but it could still get infected. It actually looks like it's starting to." Jesus sighed.

He gently rubbed his cream covered fingers over Daryl's wound. Daryl tensed at the cold touch and relaxed back when it warmed up. Jesus was taking his time rubbing it into the wound and Daryl watched him intently. Jesus's lips were parted in concentration and Daryl could punch himself for even noticing.  
Jesus suddenly had a sharp pain in his head and he grumbled as his grasped his head with both hands and walked back to lean against the sink.

"You okay?"

"My head." Jesus breathed out. "I think I just have a headache. I haven't eaten. Besides that sandwich earlier today."

"I'll make ya something. Lay down. You can have my bed tonight." Daryl ordered as he watched Jesus to make sure he was going to be alright.

"I can sleep on the couch. I-" Jesus started.

"Nah. Go lay down. I'll be right back." Daryl said as they walked back through Daryl's room.

Jesus laid down on Daryl's unmade bed and sunk himself into the cover's. It smelled like him. Jesus couldn't help it. He liked Daryl's sent. Cigarette smoke and something manly. He wasn't going to lie to himself. Daryl did turn him on sometimes. But Jesus respected Daryl, and his limits. He didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable. But he could be a friend to him right? How would Daryl ever know If Jesus checked out the curve of his ass every once in a while?

Daryl returned not long after with a bowl of soup and a piece of bread. Jesus's stomach growled at the smell.

"Thank you." Jesus caught his eye and looked down at the soup as he sat it safely into his lap.

"If you need anything just yell. I'll be downstairs." Daryl nodded to him.

"Wait." Jesus yelled to him. "You don't have to sleep down there. This is your bed, I'll take the couch."

"Nah, S'okay."

Jesus nodded and looked down at his soup. It didn't look to appetizing but it would have to do. He appreciated the fact that Daryl was mothering him. Not that Daryl would admit it. He still happy he had someone to look after him.

"Will you stay for a while? I don't want to be alone. I feel a little dizzy." Jesus asked feeling to vulnerable.

Daryl nodded awkwardly and sat down on the edge of his bed.

"Want anything? 'got some painkillers."

"I shouldn't. I'll probably feel better once I eat." Jesus slurped at his soup. "Thank you."

They sat silently as Jesus ate his soup. Daryl just stared off into the distance probably thinking about where he'll run off to in the morning.

"You should keep up with that antibiotic."

"Are you my mom r' something?" Daryl chuckled honestly.

"No, But someone's gotta look out for you if you're not taking care of yourself."

"I'm taking care of myself." Daryl said defensively.

Jesus just frowned at him and shook his head.

"What? Jus' cause I ain't putting on some stupid cream you think I ain't taking care of myself?"

"You ride off every day, you're gone most of the day, you hardly eat anymore, and you're not healing as quickly as you should be, Daryl. I'm just saying. Your people want you here. They need you. They miss you."

"Yeah. I know." Daryl bit back sadly. "I care about them too. That's why I leave."

Jesus looked at him in confusion.

"What do you mean?"

Daryl just shook his head and looked away, biting his thumb nail.

"Man, why do you care anyway?" Daryl sounded more sad than he probably meant to.

"Because I know you're a better person than you think you are."

"You don't know me."

"I know more than you think I do."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I see you. The way you treat your people. You love them, but you rarely show it."

Daryl just hung his head.

"You don't know the things I've done."

"We've all done things. Things we didn't want to do." Jesus suddenly felt so heavy. This conversation felt like is was getting deep to quickly and he felt like Daryl was... letting it?

"I got Glenn killed." Daryl yelled. "I did that. It's my fault. That's on me. I can't be here acting like it's not all my fault." Daryl pounded his chest, directing to himself.

Daryl stood from the bed and clenched his fist up in anger. The veins were popping out and Daryl's face was turning red with heat.

"If I wouldn't have-"

"Whoa, whoa" Jesus sat up, the blood rushing to his head, he stood and grabbed Daryl by the arm.

"Whatever you did, it wasn't your fault. That's on Negan. He did that. Not you." Jesus squeezed his arm to get his attention. "Not you."

Daryl tugged his arm away and punched his wall. Leaving a giant hole.

"Man, he was sitting there. Looking at Maggie, after he....After he..." Daryl started to choke up. He was pacing the room as Jesus stared at him in horror.

"I gotta go." Daryl croaked out and then he turned to storm out of his bedroom door and left.

Jesus heard Daryl's engine roar to life and disappear off into the distance.

 

 

*

 

 

It wasn't long after that, that Sasha quietly knocked on the bedroom door and startled him. He didn't expect Daryl to have someone come over.

"Hey." She said softly.

"Hi." Jesus said somberly.

He was laying in Daryl's bed, his back against the bed frame and his head in his hands.

"Daryl sent me. He said you needed someone to sit with you. " She said as if she wanted to ask more but didn't want to pry.

"I assume Rick told you I bumped my head today." He said almost rolling his eyes at himself. "I have a pretty bad headache. Daryl said he'd sit with me, but-" Jesus shrugged his shoulders.

"He seemed pretty upset. I'm worried about him going out there alone." Sasha leaned against the door frame, her eyebrows drawn together.

Jesus just frowned sadly and nodded in agreement. Knowing that there was nothing they could do. This was just Daryl. It's what he did. He was bullheaded and he was going to do what he wanted to do. And right now Jesus wished their conversation hasn't gone there.

 

 

*

 

 Jesus woke early enough the the sun was just peering through the window. He was still in Daryl's bed. He rolled onto his back as he rubbed his dry eyes. He knew he needed to wake Sasha up soon so they could go back to her house. Jesus figured Daryl wouldn't want him here when he got back.

Jesus leaned up in his bed to see Sasha's legs down below the bed and his heart sank at the realization that she slept on the floor. Jesus must've fallen asleep not to long after they discussed a way to do something nice for Rick once he's finished evening out the roads.

"Hey." Jesus whispered to her.

She stirred on her spot on the floor and groaned in discomfort.

"Sasha." Jesus whispered a little louder.

She slowly opened her eyes and Jesus could see what shit sleep she must've gotten. Her eyes were bloodshot and she had swollen bags under her eyes.

"Good morning." He smiled halfheartedly. "We need to go. I don't think Daryl will want us here when he gets back."

She scrunched her eyebrows in confusion and nodded her head as she started to lean up on one arm.

"I'm gonna make him some breakfast first." He mumbled out. "I owe him."

She nodded at him with confusion.

"I'll be back before I have to head out to help Rick."

They both stood to collect themselves.

"I hope he's okay. He's been out all night." Sasha says.

Jesus just frowned with worry. Daryl wasn't in good shape last night. He's never seen him get that emotional before. He wondered if anyone else in his group has. There was something in Jesus that made him want to take care of him. He felt sorry for him. He wanted to take some of his burdens and carry them so he wasn't alone. Jesus felt this pull towards him and he didn't know why. He couldn't explain it and he wondered if Daryl felt it to. Probably not.

 

 

*

 

Jesus raided Daryl's fridge, hoping to find some eggs and milk. They had a pretty good supply in their inventory due to the fact that they took most of the chickens and cows from the Sanctuary. But Jesus knew Daryl hardly every stocked his fridge. He assumed he felt guilty for taking food away from everyone else. He only took what he needed and that was it.  
Jesus sighed as he realize their was nothing to make. Well, he was just going to have to retrieve some from Sasha's house. Daryl was going to be hungry when he got back, and Jesus felt like he needed to give Daryl a peace of mind somehow. And food sounded like his only realistic option.

When he got back to Daryl's with a few eggs and a glass of milk, he started making a mess of the kitchen. He poured the milk into the egg mixture and stired it together in the pan. It crackled and sizzled as it started to fry the scrambled eggs.

Jesus could hear Daryl's motorcycle pulling up to the garage and he frowned feeling nervous that Daryl would get angry at him and not eat.

The door that came from the garage opened and Daryl walked through, shrugging his leather vest off and sliding it on a chair.

"What are you doing here?" Daryl grunted out, looking tired and irritated.

"Making you food. Figured you'd be hungry." Jesus smiled softly at him.

"Don't need a maid."

"That'd be a Chef. Maid's don't cook." Jesus smiled sarcastically at him. Hoping to ease the tension.

Daryl just glared at him.

Jesus scooped the finished eggs up onto his spatula and staked them onto a plate. They smelled good and he wished he made some for himself.

"Here. Eat." Jesus said as he slide the plate down on the island in front of where Daryl just sat.

Daryl just stared at it, debating if he should eat it or not.

"I'm going to go. I got some stuff I have to do." Jesus looked from Daryl to the floor.

Daryl just grunted and grabbed a fork aggressively and started eating the scramble. Jesus smiled to himself, glad that Daryl wasn't going to be so stubborn enough to starve himself.

"Are you okay?" Jesus turned as he was leaving to say. He couldn't stop himself.

"Yea'." Daryl sounded calmer."Thanks for the food." He added after a beat.

Jesus nodded and Daryl watched him as he left through the door. Jesus felt relieved.Daryl's eyes landed on a note that sat in the middle of the island. He gripped it with his dirty hands.

_You don't have to do this alone Daryl._

Daryl sarcastically huffed as he sat the note down.

That fucking prick. He was really getting under Daryl's skin.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I added some new tags. There are some bits in here that describe panic attacks, if that may trigger you in anyway, please don't read it. I update the tags almost every time I add a new chapter, please check them before reading. Read safely guys. I hope you like this chapter. Please let me know how you like it! <3  
> I'm realllly sorry about the spacing in this chapter. I don't know why it's doing it, and I'm not sure how to fix it? Ahhh. sorry!

A few weeks have past now, and Jesus was really starting to notice how much progress that has been made. Most of the road he and Rick had paved was pretty much finished, and house's that were damaged, are close to being all fixed up. Some of them looking even better than before. It wouldn't be long before winter came, so they were now working on isolating everyone's windows. Daryl was bringing back winter essentials almost everyday now. Sometimes things they didn't even need, but everyone appreciated them anyway.  
Rick was finishing up some new blueprints he had for a new storage unit he wanted to build the following spring. Things were starting to look up for everyone. Maggie's belly was getting rounder and fuller. She only had a few more months before she was due. And the Saviours were basically gone. None of them stood a chance now. They wouldn't dare come back. Things just seemed simpler. More calm. Jesus could see the hope and life come back into these people's eyes. It gave him hope too. If only Daryl could feel that too. It almost felt like it was holding Jesus back as well. He just wanted to be there for him. To help him through his tough days.  
Daryl seems to be avoiding everyone more than usual. After that night, Daryl seems to be avoiding Jesus's eye. Regardless of the fact that Jesus would randomly pop up at his house at random times to bring food or whatever he found that day. Daryl seemed to just get more and more irritated with him. But that wasn't going to stop him. If Daryl wanted to isolate himself, then Jesus could at least make sure he was eating.

  
*

Daryl sat in Rick's living room with Carl as they rested their feet on the coffee table. Judith was crawling around on the floor playing with the toys Jesus brought back for her earlier that day. She seemed to be happy, if her laughter and cooing was anything to go by.

  
"Can you teach me how to ride your motorcycle?" Carl asked.

  
"Your dad would kick my ass." Daryl laughed.

  
"You got that right." Rick said as he descended the stairs, clumping his boots at the bottom step.

  
"It's not like I wouldn't be safe, dad." Carl sassed him.

  
"You can't drive a car yet, Carl. Maybe I can teach in the next couple of days?" Rick tried to reason.

  
"Whatever." Carl scoffed.

  
"Aye. It ain't safe. Go easy on 'im." Daryl grunted out.

  
If only the kid knew how fortunate he was. Even in this crazy world, he was still lucky to have a dad that cared about him as much as Rick did. Daryl would've done anything to have that.

  
Carl just smirked at him and stood up to get his coat.

  
"Thank you for watching her. You sure you can handle it?" Rick joked as he grasped Daryl's shoulder above him on the couch.

  
"Yea'." Daryl shrugged.

  
"Alright. We'll be back before dark. If you need any help, Carol will know what to do. She's not coming with us, so I'm sure she'll be home." Rick pulled his backpack over his shoulders and kissed the top of Judith's head.

  
"Goodbye sweetheart. I'll be home soon."

  
She smiled up at him and waved her toys excitedly.

  
"See ya." Daryl grunted. "Be safe."

  
"later." Carl waved.

  
"You too." Rick joked and closed the door behind them.

 

*

 

Rick, Carl, Sasha, Jesus, Tara, and Aaron all piled into the van and headed off toward a small town close by to search the homes for random items. Mostly seeking out baby supplies.

  
"How did he seem today?" Aaron asked Rick. Most of the car ride had been silent.

  
"He was okay. He seemed...tired." Rick said as he readjusted his hand on the wheel.

  
"He's gotta give it a break before he hurts himself." Tara states.

  
"Even Carol can't get him to talk more than two sentences." Aaron said. "I'm worried about him. He's making himself sick. He's hardly eating. He hasn't came by the food garage in weeks. I don't know if he's even eating."

  
"Jesus has been taking him food. So he's eating at least." Sasha frowned.

  
"He should've came with us today." Rick said feeling stupid for asking him to babysit now. "I wasn't thinking. I thought maybe it would help him feel....more needed."

  
"And having him teach me how to ride a motorcycle wouldn't?" Carl joked.

  
"You're not going to drive a motorcycle." Rick stated.

  
Jesus laughed silently to himself.

  
"I'll try talking to him again." Rick said sadly. "I just don't get it. Everything is starting to settle. What's bothering him?"

  
He wasn't going to tell, but Jesus knew. Daryl told him that night. He still feels the guilt. He's blaming himself for everything. All the losses. All the pain everyone still feels. Jesus couldn't imagine what that felt like. He's lost people, things too. But not like this. He never had a family like this. People who cared so deeply about each other. Not before and certainly not after. He could only imagine how much more of a bond they formed after everything they've been through together. Jesus was always alone. Only connecting with people briefly to help each other move along, but with these people, he cared for them. And they seemed to care for him too. Jesus never knew how good that could feel. And he was sad Daryl was missing it by isolating himself away.

 

*

 

It was late when the group returned. And Rick and Jesus alone found so many great things for the baby. One being a huge baby crib. Which needed to be taken into Maggie's house.

  
"Let's just take it to my house for tonight. Maggie is probably sleeping. We can take it over in the morning to surprise her." Rick smiled.

  
"We'll unload all this stuff into the garage and we'll sort it out in the morning." Aaron said with his face pressed against the window. The van was piled and they hardly had room to breath.

  
"I'll help you carry it in." Jesus volunteered as he weaved his way through the piles of stuff, to get out the side door of the van.

When Jesus and Rick entered the living room with the crib floating between them, they both looked over to see Judith curled up on Daryl's chest with Daryl's head laying gently on top of hers. They were both sound asleep and looked so peaceful. Jesus couldn't help but smile fondly. Rick caught it and smiled too. This is the most relaxed they've both seen Daryl in months.

  
They brought the crib into the middle of the floor and sat it down gently.

  
"Alright. Thanks for your help, Jesus. Maybe we can head back soon to check out the rest of the houses. Sasha said she thinks there's a lot more." Rick smiled at him and rested his hand on his shoulder and squeezed.

  
"Yeah. Whenever you need me, I'd be happy to help." Jesus smiled kindly at him.

  
"Thank you." Rick smiled back at him with trust and appreciation.

  
Jesus nodded before saying his goodbyes to him and Carl. He couldn't wait to get back into his nice soft bed.

 

*

 

Daryl sat on his couch with a glass of vodka and coke in his hands. It's been a while since he had a drink but he just felt like he needed it tonight. It's been a rough few days and he needed something to take the edge off. His bike has been acting up and he didn't trust it enough to take it out. So he's mainly been stuck in his house fixing random things and occasionally going over to see Carol.  
He spun the vodka in his glass and watched as the ice floated around in circles. He actually felt relaxed for the first time in days. That was until someone tapped at his door. Daryl signed in frustration, knowing who it was going to be. The same person that knocked on his door everyday to bring him a plate of dinner and to see how he was doing. He just wanted to be alone. Why couldn't this kid get it? Daryl just opened the door and stared at him.

  
"Can I come in?" Jesus said after a beat of awkward silence.

  
"What do you want?" Daryl gruffed out as he opened the door to let him in.

  
"I was wondering if you wanted to come to dinner tomorrow? Maggie wanted me to ask you." He smiled softly. "She wants to have one last big family dinner before she has to go to Hilltop to have the baby."

  
Daryl looked down and frowned. "Yeah."

  
"Good. She said you could bring beer if you'd like." Jesus said as he walked into his kitchen and sat on a stool.

  
"Anyone else drinking?"

  
"Aaron and Eric. I think Tara might, but she'll be out before her second one. " Jesus laughed

  
Daryl just nodded to him and reached into the fridge to grab the bottle of vodka to pour himself some more.

  
"You been drinking more recently?" Jesus wondered.

  
"Nah. Just found this in the closet this morning."

  
Jesus nodded. He hoped this wasn't going to be a habit Daryl picked up. He had enough to worry about with this guy already.

  
Daryl settled onto the stool next to him and offered him a drink. Jesus took a sip and passed it off. They spoke briefly about the dinner, as Daryl knocked back some more of his drink. He seemed completely relaxed after his third drink. Jesus watched him as he swayed lightly on his stool as he talked about how he was working on his bike.

  
"Fuckin' stupid. Just need one small bolt." Daryl grunted. "Can't ride it until It's fixed."

  
"'m sure Aaron has some in his garage. Why don't you just ask?" Jesus furrowed his eyebrows.

  
"Nah. I'll find one."

  
"He's got a bucket full of-"

  
"I said I'll find one."

  
"Why are you doing this?" Jesus said in a serious tone after a beat of silence.

  
"Don't start your shit."

  
"Whatever. Just keep ignoring everyone and pretending they don't matter. It doesn't matter that you're hurting them too." Jesus was annoyed at this point.

  
"Stop acting like you know me. "Daryl looked him dead in the eye with anger reddening his face. "Stop bringing me food and acting like I'm some sick dog. 'can take care of myself."

  
Jesus just shook his head in aggravation and snatched Daryl's vodka, finishing it off. He stood up from his stool and stormed out of the house, slamming the door behind him.

  
"Fucking prick." Daryl mumbled under his breath.

 

  
*

  
Sasha and Carol frantically cleaned, cooked, and set the dinner table within a few hours. They decided to have it in Carol's dining room. It was the only house to have a big enough dining room to hold all of them. It was going to be tight, but Jesus thought it's feel more cozy that way.  
Jesus's stomach grumbled as he sat on Sasha's countertop and watched her finish the blackberry cobbler she was peparing for the dessert. Maggie loved it, and often requested it from her. Jesus thought It looked delicious and he hoped he could score a piece.  
Though he's already thought about skipping out on dinner altogether. He really didn't know if he wanted to sit through the whole dinner knowing that Daryl was glaring at him. Either way it wouldn't solve anything so he figured he'd try to enjoy dinner with everyone regardless.

 

*

 

Halfway through dinner and everything seemed to be going great. Everyone was talking and having a good time, even Daryl. He was actually laughing so hard at one point that his teeth were showing. Tara was laughing along with him and they just seemed as if they were in their own world. Jesus caught Michonne and Carol's exchange of looks after noticing it themselves.

  
"Alright who's ready for some dessert?" Carol asked, standing up to head toward the kitchen.

  
"I know I am!" Tara said.

  
"Me too. I want that pie Sasha made." Maggie smiled at her.

  
"Alright, Jesus, you want to help me bring it all out?" Carol asked him kindly.

  
"Yeah. Of course." He offered sweetly.

  
He sat quietly most of the dinner just watching everyone enjoy themselves, but he mainly watched Daryl. He was talking and laughing, but he still had the edge to him that seemed like he was just itching to leave.  
When Jesus and Carol came back into the dining room with pies and cakes in their hands, Daryl was gone. Jesus just kind of rolled his eyes to himself. How was he supposed to care when Daryl didn't even like him? He didn't want him around. Yeah, he took care of him when he hurt his head, but that was only because no one else could. Jesus was tired of fighting so hard for someone who didn't care whether he lived or died.  
"Here's your pie Maggie." Jesus said as he sat it in the middle of the table in front of Maggie.  
She hummed in awe. Her eyes were glowing. It must be the pregnancy cravings. Jesus just chuckled.

 

  
*

 

It was late when Jesus and Sasha got home. They sat on the couch playing a game of tic-tac-toe. It was a game they played after their dinner at the party, but after the night ended neither Sasha or Jesus wanted to sleep, so here they were at nearly 3 in the morning.

  
"It was nice. Maggie seems happy with everything." Sasha said as she marked an x down on the piece of paper they were tossing back and forth on the coffee table.

  
"Yeah. She really enjoyed your pie."

  
"I'm glad. She needed the pick me up." Sasha smiled.

  
"Yeah. I'm worried about her." Jesus frowned.

  
"Me too." Sasha said honestly. "But she can do it. She's tough."

  
"She is."

  
"Daryl seemed good tonight." Sasha said with a bit of confusion.

  
"Yeah. He did." Jesus frowned down as he marked the page.

  
"He asked about you before he left." Sasha frowned. "He didn't seem to be happy with you."

  
"He never was." Jesus joked.

"He likes you. He's just...Daryl."

  
Jesus just nodded. He disagreed but he just wanted the conversation to end.

  
"Anyway, I should go to bed. It's late." Sasha said as she stood.

  
"Yeah. I think I'm going to take a walk. I need some fresh air."

  
"Alright. Well, be careful. Goodnight, Jesus."

 

*

 

Daryl sat on a box crate in the front of his bike, hunching over it, trying to fit different bolts into the missing space on his wheels. None of them were fitting and Daryl was close to taking his bike out back and setting it on fire.  
The tenth bolt he tried, almost fit, he thought it would work if he could just wedge it enough. Just as it almost fit in, it slipped through his fingers and flung somewhere he couldn't follow.  
The bike flipped over as Daryl pushed it in a rush of anger. He cursed and yelled, pacing the garage. He was going to lose it. He didn't know what to do with himself. It was late and he was only out here this late because he couldn't sleep. And now his last hope just disappeared into the darkness.

  
Daryl just started throwing things and knocking things over in a fit of rage. Not thinking of how late it was or if he'd wake anyone. He couldn't think straight.  
Daryl heard knocks on his garage door and knocked over the last box of nails. He walked over and lifted his garage door with rage.

  
"What?" Daryl huffed before even seeing who it was.

  
"Are you okay, I heard-" Jesus spoke

  
"Get out of here." Daryl grunted in exhaustion.

  
"Look, I'm trying to stay out of your way. But I heard noises. I was making sure no one was getting hurt." Jesus rolled his eyes.

  
"M'fine."

  
Jesus looked away from Daryl and saw the the garage was absolutely trashed. but he also noticed the litter of empty beer bottles all over the floor. And that's when the smell of alcohol on Daryl hit him.

  
Jesus stepped in under the door, and looked around. He could only frown.

  
"This fucking bike. Can't get it done. Cant find the right bolts." Daryl waved to it. "I was just throwing shit around. Ain't no walker."

  
"Might as well of been." Jesus said sarcastically.

  
Daryl just chuckled bitterly.

  
"Here." Jesus said as he lifted the bike up back on it's wheels. "Wheres the bolts at?"

  
Daryl reached into his pocket and scrounged up the bolts that were left. And wouldn't you know...That fucking hippie ninja got it screwed on the first fucking try. Daryl couldn't say he was surprised. This fucking kid. Everything always seemed to go right for him. Daryl could strangle him if he wasn't so excited at the possibility of being able to finally go for a ride for the first time in a couple weeks.

  
"You want to start it up and see if it rides smooth?" Jesus said from the ground.

  
Daryl huffed out a "Yeah." And swung his leg over his bike.

  
"Actually. I think I should- I mean you've had a few drink..." Jesus said cautiously.

  
Daryl just stared at him with annoyance. The kid irritated him to no end, but he was right. He was in no state to drive it like this. Even if he was just itching to take it out.

  
"Whatever. Ya better not wreck it." Daryl threatened.

  
"You want to hop on back?" Jesus looked him nervously.

  
Daryl contemplated it for a few moments before grunting and hopping on back and settling in. Jesus started the engine, realizing this might not be the best idea at this hour, with a tipsy Daryl on the back.

  
"You going to hold on?" Jesus asked after a beat. He wasn't going to take off until he knew Daryl was secure.

  
Daryl huffed in annoyance and wrapped his big arms around Jesus's chest.

  
"you gonna go or what?"

  
Jesus reveed the engine and started off out of the garage. He didn't want to go outside the walls, considering that Daryl was drunk and unarmed. They definitely wouldn't stand a change with a herd of walkers right now.

  
"It feels smooth."Jesus said just loud enough for Daryl to hear him. He didn't want to wake anyone.

  
"Yeah." Daryl grunted. "Thanks." He added after a beat.

  
They rounded the corned of the street, and started down the next lane. Jesus could see that someone was still up and having a little fire in their yard. From where they were it looked like Tara's house. Jesus headed toward the house and saw it more clearly. Tara, Rosita and Eugene sat around the fire with some beers.

  
"Hey!" One of them called, He couldn't be sure who.

  
"Aye." Daryl called back.

  
Jesus slowed the motorcycle down and pulled over into the lawn, pulling the kickstand out.

  
"Your letting Jesus ride your bike?" Rosita said in shock.

  
"What are you guys doing out this late?" Tara said, after giving Rosita a look.

  
"Wanted to test my bike. It's been sitting around for a couple weeks." Daryl frowned. "Uh, Jesus got it going for me. Let him drive it. I had a few drinks."

  
Tara nodded at him and smiled to Jesus.

  
"You want to join us? We've just sitting around having some drinks ourselves." Tara offered.

  
"We would most certainly enjoy your company." Eugene added. Rosita chuckled to herself.

  
Daryl looked over to Jesus as if to asked if it was okay. Jesus was surprised he had the courtesy. Jesus nodded in approval. He could go for a few drinks, it's not like he would be able to fall asleep anytime soon anyway.

 

*

  
Rosita burst into laughter as she watched Eugene try to toss the rock into a small round bowl they placed a couple yards away. It was a game they made up, after having a few drinks and getting rather tipsy. It wasn't the most conventional game, but it was fun and they were really enjoying themselves. Even Daryl who had the biggest smile on his face as he watched Eugene try to concentrate.

  
"C'mon! You got this!" Tara called out.

  
"Miss! Miss it!" Rosita laughed and she bounced around.

  
It was Tara, Eugene, and Daryl against Jesus and Rosita. And they were all pretty impressed by how good Jesus's aim was. He's gone through three games already without missing no more than two.  
Eugene threw the rock directly into the hole. They all watched as it bounced back out and landed right next to the ball.

  
"It was in!"Tara called out."That counts!"

  
"No! It came back out!" Rosita said back

  
"Bullshit!" Daryl yelled.

  
"It came back out! That doesn't count!" Rosita laughed as she took her stance, getting ready for her throw.

  
Daryl just muttered under his breath in annoyance. Tara just giggled and patted him on the shoulder.

  
"She's just mad we're beating them." Tara laughed.

  
"Only by two points! and you have three players." Tara joked.

  
"Jesus counts as two players!" Tara laughed back.

  
Jesus just laughed at them.

  
"I wish to get another beer. Would any of you also like one?" Eugene offered.

  
"I'd like one please." Jesus asked.

  
"Ooo, fourth one. Looks like you're gonna be walking back tonight." Rosita joked and shot Jesus a friendly smile.

  
"Yeah. I'm gonna regret this in the morning." Jesus laughed. "At least I get to sleep in."

  
"Yeah. That's a good thing because you both are going to be hungover as hell." Tara laughed

  
"m' taking my bike out in the morning." Daryl said. "Won't be no sleeping in for me."

  
"You're like a addict with that thing. I bet you've been going crazy not being able to take it out." Rosita joked.

  
Daryl just huffed a laugh. They had no idea.

  
Eugene returned with beers and handed them to those who wanted them. Daryl chugged his within seconds, crushed it, and threw it into the fire. Jesus laughed at him and caught his eye. If Jesus didn't know any better, he would've thought Daryl chuckled along with him.

  
Jesus ran his fingers through his loose hair and swayed along in place. They now were all just kind of standing around the fire and talking lowly amongst one another. He figured everyone was starting to hit that part of the night were everyone got sentimental and tired.

  
"I really do love you guys. There's no one I'd rather be still standing here surviving with." Tara smiled kindly to all of them.

  
"Yeah, yeah. We love you too." Rosita laughed, letting her normal hard shell crack. She wrapped her arm around Tara's shoulder and pulled her in.

  
"And I'm taking to you too Jesus. I know how much you've helped us. You have no idea how much that means to me. To us. Really. You're part of our family now." Tara smiled genuinely.

  
"Well, thank you. But you've done the same for me. And I want to thank you for that too. You've helped me, and Hilltop more than you know." Jesus admitted honestly.

  
Jesus looked over to Daryl who was watching him intensely. He didn't know why but it started to make him uncomfortable. But not it the way that he felt threatened, but in a way that felt like he was being studied and analyzed. For what, he didn't know, but it was making him uncomfortable.

  
Tara and Rosita both smiled at him and then nodded in understanding. Daryl still stood staring at him with another cold beer in his hand.

  
"Where did Eugene go?" Rosita asked after a while of silence.

  
"Said he was going to bed. 'was tired." Daryl offered with his voice raspier than ever.

  
"I should too. Denise is going to wonder why I've stayed out so late." Tara laughed.

  
"Yeah. m' gonna go too." Daryl said as he finished his beer off and through it into the amber's of the fire. "See ya tomorrow. And uh, thanks for the beers."

  
"Yeah. Me too. Thanks guys. It was fun." Jesus reached to hug them.

  
"It was." Tara smiled.

  
"See you tomorrow Daryl. Bye Jesus. " Tara and Rosita waved them off.

 

*

 

"You're gonna walk it back all the way to your house?" Jesus laughed as Daryl leaned all his top weight onto the bike and pushed it.

  
"Unless you want to drive it back, yeah. I haven't drank that much since I was with my brother." Daryl chuckled.

  
"Yeah, I'm pretty toasted." Jesus chuckled loudly.

  
Daryl just shot him a look and started laughing at him.

  
"Lightweight." Daryl mocked him,

  
"Hey! I've never drank before. I think I'm pretty composed."

  
"Never drank before? Don't bullshit. " Daryl grunted.

  
"I haven't." Jesus said honestly. "My mom used to be an alcoholic. Didn't want to turn out like her. "

  
Daryl grunted out a "sorry."

  
"It's okay. Didn't really know her that well. She died when I was fifteen." Jesus scrunched his eyebrows in sadness.

  
Daryl nodded at him curiously. Daryl was curious of Jesus's life before the turn, but he didn't want to ask. He knew he didn't want anyone to ask him. It brought up to many bad memories, and he wasnt about to do that to someone else.

  
They continued to walk passed many houses. Most of them were dark, the people who occupied them had fallen asleep hours ago. It was probably close to sunrise and Jesus already felt his head starting to throb. He needed water.

  
"M' sorry." Daryl said with that same rasp in his voice that was always there.

  
"For what?" Jesus broke from his own thoughts back to Daryl.

  
"For being an ass to you. Thanks for bringing me food and all that."

  
"It's no problem."

  
"What Tara said, you did do a lot for us. I've been giving you to much shit."

  
"I think you're still drunk." Jesus joked.

  
"Yeah." Daryl huffed a laugh. "Still mean it."

  
Jesus smiled, not wanting to spoil the moment by saying something pointless.

  
When they both got to their street, Jesus helped Daryl push his motorcycle up the slight slope to his garage and waved him off as he headed down the street to Sasha's house.  
But once he turned the doornob and realized he didn't have his key, he just sighed and leaned his head against the door. So much for getting to sleep in his nice fluffy bed. He thought he might as well just go back to Daryl's so he wouldn't wake anyone else. He seemed to be on good means with him now, so he might just be lucky enough to not be killed by the man.  
Jesus knocked on Daryl's door three times and waiting on his porch. The door slowly opened as Daryl stood there with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders.

  
"Don't kill me, but I'm locked out of Sasha's house."

  
Daryl just sighed. He seemed to tired for it to even bother him.

  
"You can have the guest room. M' going to back to bed." Daryl opened the door to invite him in.

  
"Thank you." Jesus frowned as he stepped into his living room and followed Daryl up the stairs.

 

*

 

Jesus woke suddenly to the sounds of loud banging noises. He jolted out of his bed and headed toward the noise. Daryl's room. He opened his bedroom door slowly and called out to him. He opened the door fully to see Daryl pacing the room with his hands clutching his chest and he was breathing very rapidly.

  
"Daryl? Hey! Are you okay?" Jesus rushed over to him and grasped his arms to steady him.

  
"Can't breath." Daryl gasped out. He shook free and walked over to the dresser and hunched over it still wheezing.

  
"Does anything hurt?" Jesus felt panic course through him.

  
He shook his head and ran a hand over his neck. "Just can't breath. Hearts racing."

  
"Just look at me, Daryl. You're having a panic attack. Just slow your breathing with me, watch."

  
Jesus grabbed his shoulders and turned Daryl to face him, practicing his breathing to get Daryl to follow his rhythm. Daryl was still breathing fast and wasn't following Jesus's breaths.

  
"Arm's going numb." Daryl's eyes were filled with fear.

  
"You're hyperventilating. You're going to be okay. You just have to calm down. It's okay." Jesus wrapped his fingers around Daryls arm and rubbed them, trying to comfort him.

  
Daryl's breath slowed down only slightly and Jesus didn't know what else he could do to help him.

  
"Here, lay down." Jesus tugged him lightly towards his bed, and pushed him to sit down.

  
"Feel like I'm gonna die." Daryl gasped out as he laid his head against the headboard and grasped at his chest.

  
"You're not. I promise." Jesus said as he sat down on the bed beside him. "I know people who get these all the time. Just slow your breathing."

  
Daryl nodded at him with a look of worry. He swallowed thickly and started to calm down. His breath still to quick.

  
"You want some water?"

  
Daryl nodded desperately. Jesus grabbed the cup that was on his bedside table and filled it up in Daryl's bathroom. He passed it to Daryl and watched as he nearly chugged the whole thing.

  
"Thanks."

  
Jesus sat back down and reached over to rub his arm in comfort. He was surprised at his own actions but he was more surprised at the fact that Daryl was almost leaning into it. His chest was slowing it's heaves and his face relaxed more into a look of exhaustion.

  
"You okay?" Jesus asked with a look that made Daryl feel more than thankful.

  
"Think so."

  
"Is this the first time you've had one?"

  
Daryl dropped his head and shook his head in shame.

  
"It's okay. With everything you've been through..." Jesus trailed off. He grabbed Daryl's arm tighter and looked at him with glossy eyes that said he was getting emotional.

  
"I keep having that dream. I keep seeing it...Glenn... Abraham..." Daryl's voice was threatening to break.

  
Jesus leaned forward and hugged him. He couldn't help the emotion he suddenly felt. He just wanted to comfort him. To make the hurt a little less painful. He hoped Daryl felt comforted by it.

  
He felt a hand rest on his back, and then he felt Daryl gently rest his head on his shoulder. Jesus reached up and pulled his head into his neck, rubbing his back in comfort. He wasn't going to ask when he felt wet spots seep into his shoulder.

  
"They took a picture of Glenn, put it in my cell. Kept looking at it. Kept thinking about it. He won't get to see the baby. He-" Daryl's voice broke and he shoved his face into Jesus's shoulder harder.

  
"Shhhh. It's okay. It's gonna be okay."

  
Jesus didn't know the depths of how horrible it's really been for him. This was a window opening. Daryl was letting him see. Daryl was letting him be there. He was broken, but he wasn't unfixable. Or unlovable. Jesus had faith in him. He was strong enough to heal, to let people in.

  
"If you tell anyone, I'll kill you." Daryl's voice was barely heard, it wasn't more than a raspy whisper.

  
"You're secrets safe with me." Jesus's thumb pressed into Daryl's back with reassurance. "I'm here. You know, If this ever happens again. Please come find me."

  
"Kay." Daryl said unsurely.

  
Daryl's body untensed after a while, and he leaned further into Jesus's embrace. It felt safe, but uncomfortable. Not being familiar with this much closeness. Daryl imagined this is what mothers would do to comfort their children. That's what he felt like anyway. A small and weak child who couldn't handle his own feelings. But for some reason he knew Jesus wasn't judging him, so he let himself feel comforted. He closed his eyes and tried to feel something other than guilt.

 

*

 

Jesus felt something stir underneath him as he felt himself awaken. He must've fallen asleep while they were sitting up. Both of their exhaustion must've gotten the better of them. All of a sudden he felt Daryl's body stiffen underneath his own, and he heard a sharp intake of breath. Jesus lifted his head from Daryl's chest and looked up at him through his messy hair. Daryl looked confused and uncomfortable.

  
"Sorry, I must've fallen asleep." Jesus stroked the hair out of his face and tucked it neatly behind his ear.

  
"Gonna shower." Daryl grunted. Daryl slid awkwardly out of bed and disappeared into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

  
The sound of the shower soothed Jesus back into the heat of the bed where Daryl just left it. Jesus sighed with sleep still in his eyes. He needed more rest, but he couldn't stay here in Daryl's bed. He pulled himself out of bed and drug himself across the hall, and back into the guest bed. He was still way to tired to head down the road and into Sasha's house.

 

  
*

 

"You seen Daryl today?" Rick strolled up to him while he practiced his martial arts in the middle of Sasha's back yard.

  
"He went on a run with Tara. She said they'd be gone for a few hours." Jesus was sweating profusely. It dripped from the tip of his nose and his tank top was soaked with it. But he continued effortlessly.

  
Rick just nodded and watched him with a hand on his hip. Jesus's moves were impressive. Rick still liked to watch him. Even before the breakout, he's never seen anyone able to move so quickly and efficiently. Jesus's kicks were smooth and forceful and he always hit his target.

  
"You up for babysitting?" Rick smiled hopefully.

  
"Uh, now?" Jesus asked unsurely.

  
"I want to make Michonne a nice dinner tonight. I was hoping we could have some quiet time." Rick smirked a little awkwardly at the obvious implications.

  
"Oh, yeah of course." Jesus smiled kindly, a glint of humor in his eyes.

  
"Thank you." Rick smiled. "It's been a-" Rick's voice cut off as they heard panicked yells.

  
Both Rick and Jesus bolted towards the gates. They heard Rosita and Gabriel screaming for someone to get Denise. Jesus's body was tense and the color all drained from his face. The doors opened, and Daryl was carrying Tara is his arm's. Her stomach was covered in dark red blood and her face was pinched in pain. Daryl caught Jesus's eye as he passed by. It rocked him from his frozen body, and sent him off, following close behind Daryl and Rick. Daryl was still in shock as he raced her to Denise's examination room. His hands shook and his face threatening to twist in another emotion he wasn't prepared to show.

  
"It was the Saviors. You have to get to the post. They might have followed us. Was about 30 of em'. They ran off after I got their machine gun. Don't know how many are left." Daryl voice was barely there. He must've lost it from yelling. "I'll be there after I get her to Denise. Need a minute."

  
Daryl paced her down the streets and her body jostled in his arms.

  
"You doing okay?" He looked down to her.

  
"Just hurts." She laid her head on his shoulder.

  
He got to the examination room and kicked the door open, shocking Denise.

  
"Tara?! Oh no! No! No! What happened?! Are you okay?" Denise ran to her and got a view of the gash.

  
Jesus followed in from behind. And he watched as Denise pulled up Tara's shirt to get a better look at the cut.

  
"Is this?" Denise looked up at Daryl as she patted the blood.

  
"She got sliced by some metal." Daryl said quickly. "She going to be alright?"

  
"I don't...I don't know." Denise's eyes are filled with horror. "Go! Go help them."

  
"Got to know she's okay." His voice was deep with worry.

  
"I don't know Daryl! They need your help. You have to go!"

  
Daryl turned quickly and bumped into Jesus, who hadn't left yet. He was feeling just as in shock still.

  
Jesus's eyes automatically scanned over Daryl's body, checking him for injuries. "Are you okay? Did you get hurt?"

  
Daryl just nodded and pushed him to turn around and head out the door.

 

*

 

Rick, Daryl, Michone, Jesus, Carol, Aaron, and Rosita all stood around the gates preparing to an attack. They didn't know if it was going to come, but they had to be prepared. They had no idea how many Saviours were left out there, but they had to be ready. Daryl's hands haven't left his crossbow and his eyes have been pearing out into the distance. He looked terrifying. His eyes were peircing and his jaw was tense. Carol stood next to him, with her gun drawn and they whispered quietly to each other.

  
"What happened?" Rosita asked

  
"Fucking pricks. They came out of no where. Grabbed Tara, I shot em in the head. Everything broke out after that. Don't remember much." Daryl grunted as he clenched his fist on his crossbow. "They ran off after they started losing people. I turned around and she was bleeding. I shoulda'-" Daryls voice cracked.

  
Carol placed her hand on his shoulder in comfort, but he just shook his head and rolled his shoulder to shoo her away. Jesus watched Carol sigh and shake her head.

  
"It's not your fault, Daryl. Those fucking cockroaches. I'm going to cut their fucking head off." Rosita spit out. She was disgusted.

  
"She should be okay. I'll take her back to Hilltop once Denise stabilizes her." Jesus says calmly. "Dr. Carson should have antibiotics."

  
Rick nodded to him and looked over to Daryl. "You'll need some weapons. We can't send you out there without them. Someone should go with you."

  
"I'll go." Daryl gruffed out.

  
"You two take the black car. Try to take the back roads. We can't have you two getting hurt out there. We'll need you back as soon as possible."

  
Jesus and Daryl both nodded with understanding.

 

*

 

"You think this should be okay?" Rick asked after he handed over a few of their guns and ammo.

  
"Three guns and a rocket launcher? I think we're going to be more than okay." Jesus joked.

  
"Good. We need you safe and home before morning."

  
"We'll be okay, Rick." Jesus assured him with a smile.

  
"I know. Just be careful." Rick rested his hand on his shoulder.

  
Jesus just nodded as he got into the driver seat and drove off towards Denise's.

 

Daryl carried her carefully down the stairs and rested her into the backseat. Jesus was nice enough to make her a little makeshift bed back there, with pillows and blankets. He even packed her some water for the ride.

  
"I'll drive." Daryl grunted as he backed out of the back seat.

  
Jesus just nodded and walked around the back of the car to the passenger side and got in. Once they settled, Daryl started to engine and head off back out into the forest. He took back roads and avoided main safe house's that the saviors might be aware of. It was going to take a lot longer to get there but it was going to be safer.

 

*

 

It was nearly dark and Daryl barely said a word other than checking on Tara every once in a while. Jesus could barely sit still. He's had to pee for over an hour now. He just shifted and twitched, trying to get comfortable.

  
"What's wrong with you? Got ants in your pant's or somethin'?" Daryl said in irritation.

  
"I've had to piss for an hour." Jesus laughed softly. "You keep hitting bumps. I'm going to piss myself before we get there."

  
"Should'a said something." Daryl grunted out.

  
Daryl went out of the way to hit a bigger bump. Jesus just groaned in discomfort.

  
Jesus smirked though as Daryl started to slow the car down, and hit the lights off.

  
"Gotta piss too."

  
Jesus basically fell out of the car and ran to the nearest tree to relieve himself. Once he was done, he zipped himself back up, and walked back to the car. Tara was groaning in pain and breathing heavy. Jesus turned himself in his seat to look at her.

  
"Are you okay?"

  
"Just getting really hot. It still hurts."

  
Daryl slid back into the car and looked back at her.

  
"She said she's getting hot. That's sign of infection." Jesus looked at Daryl with worry. His eyes were big and round and it almost looked as if he was on the edge of freaking out.

  
"We're almost there. Buckle up. Gonna speed up." Daryl warned.

  
"Will you roll the window down please?" Tara whimpered. "I'm burning up."

  
They both rolled their windows down and they sped off deeper into the woods.

 

*

 

Jesus was shivering despite his three layers of clothes. He tucked his legs up under his arms and nestled his face into his knees. The cold air blew all around them in the car. Jesus already tied his hair up in a manbun. The hair whipping him in the face got old.

  
"Should've brought another blanket." Daryl grunted at him. "You're shaking."

  
"I didn't know it'd be this cold."

  
"Ain't that cold."

  
"I get cold easily. That's why I wear so many layers. I used to get sick in the winter all the time when I was a kid." Jesus said plainly like he was just explaining himself so he didn't seem like he was being a sissy.

  
Daryl just nodded and rolled his window up halfway.

  
"When I was staying at hilltop, We'd usually stock up before winter. I'd stay in all winter, and Alex would do my runs for me."

  
Daryl didn't really respond, but Jesus continued on, feeling like he just needed to talk.

  
"He said Gregory couldn't risk losing me, but I just think Alex didn't want to lose his precious "friend."" Jesus said sarcastically. Daryl gave him a look that was both questioning and confused.

  
"Nevermind. Just rambling." Jesus sighed and sunk further into his seat, pulling his knees tighter and trying to quiet his shivers.

 

*

  
It was late by the time they reached Hilltop. Having to drive through the woods really slowed them down considering Hilltop wasn't really that far away.  
Tara sat in an hospital bed in Hilltop's examination room. Daryl stood in a corner and watched as Dr. Carson cleaned the wound up from the last bandage.

  
"It looks like it's getting infected. I'm going to have to give her some antibiotics, and hopefully in the next week she'll be healing up nicely."

  
"She going to be okay then?" Daryl grunted.

  
"It appears so. She has a fever right now, but as soon as Alex brings me those antibiotics, She should be all good."

  
As if on cue, Alex walks into the room and his eyes immediately land on Jesus. Jesus just stares at him awkwardly.

  
"Here's the antibiotic, Cephalexin. And Percocet for the pain." He dropped the pills into Dr. Carson's hand.

  
Alex glanced back over to Jesus, and then Daryl.

  
"Can I talk to you, Paul?" Alex's eyes were pinched in something that looked like annoyance.

 

*

 

They stepped out into the cold night, and Jesus pulled his coat tighter around himself.

  
"So, this guy the reason you haven't came back yet?" Alex leaned against the wall and lit a cigarette.

  
"Daryl? No." Jesus laughed. "They needed me. They're whole town was basically destroyed. They lost a lot of people." Jesus looked a little thrown off about this whole situation. He hadn't expected to see Alex this late. He figured Carson would've handled it on his own.

  
"So did we." Alex bit lowly, trying to keep it down even in his anger. "I needed you."

  
"Oh please, Alex. You just wanted someone to keep cheating on Wes with." Jesus shot back, rolling his eyes.

  
"Hey! Keep it down! Someone's going to hear you." Alex charged at him. "You know I didn't want to hurt him. But you...It's your fault too."

  
"Yeah. Maybe, but at least I don't look him in the eye every night and tell him I love him as if i hadn't been fucking someone else."

  
"You know it's more complicated than that!" Alex was grinding his teeth in anger. "I fucking love you too, Paul. I can't help it."

  
"Yeah? But I can." Jesus walked back up to the porch of the trailer, and slammed the door to the Dr. Carson's trailer.

 

*

 

"Her temperature is starting to come down. She should be better by the morning."

  
Daryl nodded at Dr. Carson and walked over to squeeze her hand. "I'll be back tomorrow if shit don't go south."

  
"Tell Denise I love her."

  
Daryl just nodded and she reached up to try to give him a hug. He awkwardly hunched down and gave her a soft squeeze. She looked over at Jesus who had been standing there quietly for a few minutes now. The heat on his face showing them that he was upset.

  
"Come here." Tara called to Jesus. "I want a hug."

  
He reached over and gave her a hug as well.

  
"Be careful. I love you guys." She smiled sadly. "If something happens. I love you all so much. Tell them that."

  
"I will." Daryl nodded to her with sincerity.

  
Daryl looked to Jesus and noticed the heat in his face and his eyes were heavy with sadness. Daryl couldn't help but be curious and feel a little pity for the smaller man. He seemed hurt. But that's what you get when you get attached to people in this world. Hurt.

  
"You ready?" Daryl grunted out.

  
Jesus just nodded, not trusting his own voice.

 

*

  
"Think they'd be stupid enough to show up?" Daryl grunted out. He just wanted to fill the uncomfortable silence. For once in his life it was making him itch. He couldn't handle it.

  
"Don't know. We would've seen they're headlights from the road if they were already there though."

  
"I think we killed most of 'em."

  
Jesus nodded and they fell back into silence.

  
"You're being quiet." Daryl gruffed out. "Not like you."

  
"Just have stuff on my mind." Jesus voice was tight, like his own voice was threatening him with tears.

  
"You okay?" Daryl looked over at him genuinely feeling concerned.

  
"You don't care. Just get to Alexandria." Jesus kicked his foot out in annoyance, not being able to get comfortable.

  
"Whatever." Daryl grunted out with irritation. He felt stupid for even acting like he cared. He thought maybe he should return the favor to Jesus for being there for him during his panic attack the other night. But if he was going to act like a prick, what did he care? He stepped his foot harder on the peddle and they vibrated harder as the car hit various rocks and trees. It was going to feel like an even longer ride back than it felt on the way.

 

*

 

It was very late when they got back. If Jesus cared enough to look at his watch It would tell him it was nearly 5:30am. But he didn't, he just leaned against the window and watched the gate to Alexandria get closer. The gaurds opened the gates and Daryl drove up to the side, parking the car along the others.

  
"She okay?" Rick asked coming down from the wall.

  
"Yeah." Daryl nodded and dropped his head. "Everything okay here?"

  
"We haven't seen anyone. Might've scared them off. You two can head to bed. I'm getting ready to send people back home. I'm staying watch with Rosita. If anything happens, I'll call for you."

  
"Nah, I got-" Daryl started to protest.

  
"Go to bed. You look tired, Daryl." Rick said with worry.

  
He nodded and headed off to his house.

 

*

 

Jesus knocked softly at Daryl's door. It wasn't long till Daryl opened it and Jesus sighed at himself.

  
"I'm locked out again."

  
Daryl said nothing but opened the door to let him in.

  
"I'm sorry." Jesus said as he followed Daryl up the stairs. "For snapping at you earlier."

  
Daryl just trudged down the hallway and disappeared into his room, saying nothing in return.

  
Jesus sighed and walked down to the guest bedroom and fell into the bed. Fuck, he needed sleep.

 

*

 

Like deja vu, Jesus woke with loud bangs and crashes scaring him into attack mode. But once he realized where he was, he knew Daryl was panicking again. He sighed and jogged down the hallway and knocked on the door. A sound of glass shattering echoed off the walls.

  
"fuck!" Daryl grunted out harshly.

  
Jesus opened the door and watched as Daryl paced his room. He looked anything but fine. He was sweating and breathing harshly just as he had before. His hand clutched his chest and his eyes looked wild with fear.  
"Are you alright? You have the dream again?" Jesus stared at him. He felt helpless again.

  
"Yeah. Can't breath." Daryl grunted breathlessly.

  
Jesus stepped up to him and pulled him into a hug. He felt slightly awkward knowing that Daryl hated physical contact, but somehow he didn't seem to be uncomfortable when he needed it. Daryl just leaned into it as he heaved for air. Jesus wrapped his arms around him and rubbed his back in tiny circles.

  
"Just slow your breathing." Jesus said calmly. "Try to follow mine."

  
Daryl nodded and tried following Jesus's calm deep breaths.

  
"C'mon. Lay down." Jesus pulled them back to the bed, as he fell first and pulled Daryl's upper body onto his lap.  
Jesus started to play with his hair and Daryl practiced slowing his breathing. Jesus wasn't even sure Daryl realized what he was doing, but it seemed to be working. He scratched lightly at his scalp and tugged at his hair. Daryl shivered as a cold chill ran down his spine. It's what his ex-boyfriend used to do for him before the turn. He used to have panic attacks like this all the time. He hardly had them anymore though. He knew how to bring himself down before they escalated now.

  
"Why you helping me?" Daryl grunted out after a while. His breathing seemed to be evening out.

  
"I care about you." Jesus said looking down at him. "For some reason." Genuinely not knowing why.

  
Daryl just huffed out a bitter laugh.

  
"I used to get these too, you know?" Jesus said as he started to fall into his own thoughts.

  
"Figured." Daryl sighed. "You know how to calm me down."

  
Jesus smiled to himself at the thought.

  
"My mom. She was an alcoholic. I used to stay up waiting for her to get home. She'd stay out all night. Sometimes she wouldn't come home for days. I was fifteen when she died of alcohol poisoning. I found her in the bathroom, passed out on the toilet." Jesus said sadly. "It scarred me. But I've had panic attacks since I was ten."

  
"Sorry." Daryl gruffed out at he snuck a look up at Jesus and frowned.

  
"It's okay." Jesus just ran his fingers through Daryl's hair again.

  
Daryl's head sunk down harder into Jesus's legs as he relaxed. Jesus scratched his nails down the soft part of Daryl's neck and Daryl shook again as a chill took over.

 

*

 

A soft sniffing echoed in the quiet room and Daryl's eyes opened up, from his relaxation. He heard it again, and looked up at Jesus who had tears rolling down his face. Jesus used his sleeve to wipe his face and try to put on an 'okay' face.

  
Daryl looked at him curiously.

  
"Can we just pretend that didn't just happen?" Jesus chuckled at himself. "I'm just tired."

  
"That guy? He do something to ya?" Daryl's eyebrows pinched in confusion.

  
"Alex? No."Jesus sighed "Well, yeah. But no."

  
"You been acting weird since." Daryl leaned up off of Jesus's legs and rolled onto his back.

  
"He used to be my...We used to..."Jesus started, not knowing how to say what he wanted to say.

  
"You gay or somethin'?" Daryl grunted out, awkwardly.

  
"Does that bother you?" Jesus asked wearily. Feeling his stomach start to twist as it always did when he felt like someone didn't approve.

  
"Nah. Don't matter to me."

  
"Well, yeah. I'm gay." Jesus said bluntly. "Alex and me...we used to hook up. He has a boyfriend and we kinda... we still hooked up after they got together."

  
"Why'd you stick around then? Sounds like a piece a' shit."

  
"Alex isn't a bad guy. We have history. I just...I don't know. We were never official. But he said he loved me, but then he started seeing Wes and I became his second priority." Jesus shrugged feeling insecure for the first time in years. He never talked about it. Not with anyone. It was no ones business but for some reason, after everything Daryl's opened up about himself, it felt like it was Daryl's business now.

  
"Sounds like an asshole."

  
"Maybe. But there's no such thing as prince charming in this world."

  
Daryl just huffed out a laugh. He pulled a knee up and sprawled his other leg to the side.

  
They sat there in silence for a while getting lost in their thoughts. The dark colors of the night were starting to leave as the sun was starting to rise and bring lighter shades of blue into the room.

  
"Thanks for, ya know." Daryl grunted out, his voice thick with sleep. "Helping me."

  
Daryl leaned up when he got no reply. Jesus was sound asleep with his head falling on his shoulder. He looked uncomfortable, and his face still showed signs of stress. Daryl leaned up and pulled the man down onto a pillow and covered him with a blanket.

  
Jesus barely opened his eyes as he picked his head up. "Sorry. I'll-"

  
"s' okay." Daryl pulled the covers higher over his shoulders and rolled back onto his back at the bottom of his bed. "Night."

  
"Goodnight, Daryl." Jesus breathed out, barely a whisper.

 

*

 

Daryl and Jesus both jumped from the bed in panic as they heard pounds of the door. Daryl ran over and quickly grabbed his gun. They walked down the stairs with caution, both men prepared to attack. Jesus opened the door as Daryl aimed his crossbow at it.

  
Alex stood there looking awkward and nervous. Daryl dropped his crossbow and shuffled his feet in confusion.

  
"Dr. Carson sent me...Tara...He doesn't think she's going to make it." Alex said carefully, looking uncomfortable.

  
Jesus face dropped and he turned to look at Daryl. His face turned white and his eyes glossed over. Jesus couldn't imagine the shock and pain he felt. He was going to blame himself. And Jesus was terrified that Daryl was about to lose it. He started breathing heavier in shock and he lost his focus.

  
"He said she was going to be fine!" Daryl spat in anger at Alex, slamming into his shoulder as he stormed off.

  
"She can't break the fever. How was he supposed to know?" Alex shot back up at him, turning to give him a snare.

  
"He shouldn't be telling us she's gonna' be fine, if she ain't!" Daryl turned back around and charged up to him. "Best not get smart." Daryl stared daggers at him, daring him to try something.

  
"Listen, I'm not here looking for a fight. Just to telling you about your friend." Alex stared back at him.

  
"Whatever." Daryl looked him up and down and snarled. He turned to start back off towards Denise's.

  
"Thanks Alex." Jesus said as he passed him too, following after Daryl.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this was kinda slow and boring. I'm very spastic sometimes and lose my thought process. I hope you enjoyed it anyway.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long. Some very important health issues came up with my family and I just haven't had the time to write. But heres the next chapter, I really hope you like it.:) (Also theirs some suicidal mentions in here. please read with caution.)

When Rick, Daryl, Michonne and Jesus pulled into to Hilltop's gates, they immediately made their way to the medical trailer. Daryl was the first to one to pull up a chair alongside Tara's bed, after settling her down into it. The air felt thick and heavy with dread. And Jesus couldn't look anyone in the eyes.

  
Tara's face was shiny from the sweat and her skin was turning weird shades of green. Probably from the infection. This wasn't meant to happen. Daryl was having a hard time holding down his panic, so he just held her hand with his head bowed over the bed. They were exchanging a private conversation and the small group hanging around them were all looking away trying to give them privacy. Jesus on the other hand was staring at the back of Daryl's head trying to find strength in himself to not lose it.

  
When Jesus started staying at Alexandria, Tara was one of the first people who made him feel comfortable. She always made the extra effort when no one else could. She was one of the main reasons he started to feel like he was at home, and Jesus could never forget that. She was charming and funny, and she brought a light-hearted energy to this tight loving family. She couldn't die. They can't lose anyone else. Not her.

  
"I gave her a double dose of Cephalexin about an hour ago. If her fever doesn't come down..." Dr. Carson couldn't finish it, but everyone already knew.

  
The air was heavy and no one spoke a word, but Daryl was lightly sniffling. Jesus could see how tightly Tara was holding onto him. It twisted his gut and he needed to just...

  
Jesus ran out of the trailer and held himself up with an arm against the metal siding as he started to vomit. The cool air made him shiver and he braced himself as he heaved up the last of his stomach. He wiped his teary eyes and leaned against the trailer. He inhaled the cold sharp air and let his head hit the metal.

He started to look around at all the work they've done in the past few months. He noticed there were a few more trailers around. Everyone was hanging around them doing mostly light work and sharing their early morning greetings. They must've found new survivors recently. The place looked more alive than it had before.

  
Jesus eyes drifted over to where his trailer sat. He hasn't been in his own home in what felt like ages, and for some reason it made him feel a bit guilty. Like the small thing had feelings of it's own and it was glaring at him for neglecting it for so long. Or maybe that was the guilt Alex had placed on his shoulder's the previous night. He knew he shouldn't be feeling guilty or responsible for leaving everyone here. Everyone had been getting on pretty well. Alex had Wes, and if anything, it would've been wrong for him to stay here and continue doing what they've been doing.

  
The door blasted open beside him and Daryl was charging out. He was heading back towards the gates and he looked like he wasn't going to stop for anybody. Jesus's heart sank and he looked back into the medical trailer to see what had happened. Tara's eyes were filled with tears and her hand laid there openly like Daryl had just yanked himself away and she didn't want to move.

  
"Tara?" Jesus's face was so tense with worry.

  
"I'm not going to make it. I'm sorry. I just need to say my goodbyes." She choked on her own words as her throat tightened up."Go follow him. It's not safe. He needs you."

  
Jesus just shook his head as his eyes started to lose their focus. This can't be happening. His mind raced with all the events that have happened over the past 24 hours. She broke her fever last night. Why did it come back? And how? Maybe she can break it again. How could this be happening? She couldn't be dying. It can't be real. It just can't.

  
"Jesus, I love you." Tara smiled sadly. "Please go now before he hurts himself."

  
Jesus ran up to her bedside and leaned down to hug her tightly. Rick was on her other side with his head bowed against her other hand. He looked frozen, like he wasn't really here. Jesus understood, because it was exactly how he felt. Michonne sat in a chair by Rick's side with her head down as she wiped her running rose on her cotton t-shirt. This was a nightmare.

  
"I love you. There's so much I wish I could say." Jesus pulled back from her with heavy tear filled eyes.

  
"You don't need to. I know how much you care. I'll always know it." She pulled his hand up to kiss it. "Thank you for everything you've done. With Alexandria, With Daryl. You deserve the world."

  
"You do too." Jesus's throat closed in on him and he squeezed his eyes shut. He was feeling to much and it threatened his usual calm and collected facade. He nodded his head with hesitation. "Goodbye Tara."

  
"Bye Jesus. I'll catch you on the other side." She winked and smiled weakly at him.

 

*

 

When Jesus reached the gates they were just shutting. He yelled up to the guard to open them again and he got through. He didn't see a sign of Daryl at all. He knew he wouldn't of took their only car, so he must be on foot. Jesus had no idea what direction he would've gone in.

  
"Daryl!" Jesus yelled as he jogged down the road, looking around for any motion.

  
He took a risky guess and darted left into the woods, reaching into his pocket for his knife. He prayed to god that Daryl had some kind of weapon on him. He was in no state to defend himself even if he was armed.

  
"Daryl!" Jesus called out again. It only shook some of the surrounding walkers up enough to start dragging themselves over to him.

  
"Fuck." Jesus sighed as he started to off them one by one.

 

*

Daryl lost it when he reached a lake. It was surrounded by old weathered boat houses and dying oak trees. But Daryl was in no state to appreciate his surroundings. He fell to his knees, hunched over and sobbed harshly. This was his breaking point. He's lost so much and so many people. Most of them being at his own expense. He felt like an empty shell of a man. And the guild sat heavy in his heart. It ached and burned. Everyone that he once felt gave him purpose was slowly being torn away one after another. Beth, Glenn, Abraham, and now Tara. He didn't have that many people left that cared for him. He was losing his will to live.

  
He just dug his fists into the dirt, ripping the grass from it and pounded the cold cruel earth. He heard sharp gargles behind him after finally sitting back on his legs. It sent shivers down his spine. Daryl dropped his head and couldn't bring himself to stand up and fight. For the first time not feeling worthy of killing it. He didn't deserve to protect himself. He didn't deserve to live, not when Beth and Glenn and Abraham were all dead. They deserved better. He didn't.

  
Daryl turned on his knees and stared at the walker as it came closer. He watched as it's rotten jaws chomped in anticipation. It's hair was long and stringy, and it was missing an arm. It was only feet away now, and he could only hold his breath.

  
"Daryl!" Jesus called from in between the trees. "Daryl! What are you doing?"

  
Daryl twisted around to watch the smaller man approach them. As Daryl turned to look at him, the walker grabbed onto Daryl's shoulder and tried to snap a bite out of his arm. Daryl only pushed him away enough to stall. The walker stumbled back and then started forward again.

  
"Get out of here!" Daryl yelled at Jesus, and stood to his feet, pushing the walker again. "You shouldn't have followed me."

  
"We have to get back. C'mon. It's not safe out here. You don't have any weapons."

  
"Go!" Daryl said as he pushed the walker again, huffing out a harsh breath.

  
"What are you trying to do? Get yourself killed?" Jesus yelled in panic. He walked up closer to them and pulled his knife back.

  
"I said get the fuck out of here!" Daryl pushed Jesus at the same time at he did the walker.

  
Jesus stumbled back and lost his footing. He fell back onto his ass and dropped his knife. Anger flared through Jesus's veins and he found his knife in the grass, gripped it into his fists, and charged at the walker to stab it straight through it's head. Blood oozing out and splattering him in the face. It fell to the ground and Jesus stared down at it in anger.

  
"Daryl!" Jesus turned to glare at him. "Are you fucking serious? You're really trying to let yourself get bit?"

  
"Fuck you. You don't know nothing." Daryl got into his face. His eyes were filled with something that was meant to look like anger, but it only shown sadness.

  
"They need you, Daryl!" Jesus looked up at him. He was still furious but he felt like he needed to bring Daryl back down from the ledge. "I need you."

  
"Don't say shit like that." Daryl grunted.

  
Daryl's eyebrows scrunched in confusion. He took a step back and looked off to the side. He shook his head in annoyance and turned around to escape the whole situation.

  
"Please." Jesus's voice was heavy with grief. He wasn't really sure what he was even asking. For Daryl to come to his senses? For him to understand that people love him and need him? For him to let Jesus in? More so than he has. Because Jesus was staring at his back now wishing that he could just wrap his arms around him and take all of the pain away.

  
But he knew he couldn't, so he just dropped down and sat right there in the patch of grass next to the docks. Daryl turned around at the fumbling noise and took a look at him. He looked just as lost as Daryl did moments ago before Jesus had appeared from behind the trees. His small frame looked fragile and weak right now. Like if he were to touch him right now, he'd crumble into tiny little pieces. Strange.

  
Jesus pulled out a rubber band from his coat pocket and tied his hair up in a knot. He looked like a young boy. And Daryl felt ashamed for the way he's been treating the guy. He knows how much he's done for him. How much he's been there for him. He was the only one who knew exactly what to do and say to get under his skin. All the days he's took it upon himself to bring Daryl food, and check up on him, or the way he's helped him come down from his panic attacks. Even the days where Jesus's eyes were so bloodshot from exhaustion that it was a bit scary. Daryl felt a bit sick thinking about how much effort he's made, even after the way he's treated him. He knew Jesus was someone who deserved his effort to not be a total ass.

  
"You know, after my mom died, I didn't have any family to take me in, so they took me away. I stayed in a group home with a lot of other kids for most of my life. It wasn't so bad at first. I made some friends, but most of the other's kids were cruel." Jesus started, his eyes hovered over the lake, not really taking it in.

  
"Once they found out I way gay, they bullied me every single day. It started with some good ol' fashion name calling. But then they started taking my food, using my toothbrush to clean the toilet, spit in my drinks. Then they started getting violent. They'd gang up on me after all the nuns would go to bed for the night. I had black eyes all the time. But they said if I snitched, they'd make me wish I would've died like my mother." He sighed and dropped his head after a while of silence. Daryl was just staring at him, taking in the new information. And feeling a bit sick.

  
"Then one day I just couldn't take it anymore. I snapped. I hit the kid, and then him and his buddies beat me until I was spitting up blood.They shoved me in the closet and left me there until the janitor found me the next day. They fractured my ribs. I had internal bleeding in my stomach. The doctor said it was a miracle I was still alive. " Jesus closed his eyes as he flashed back at the memory.

  
"A few nights later after I got back, I made sure everyone was asleep, and I snuck into the bathroom, locked the door and took the whole bottle of pain meds they gave me." Jesus voice was so soft that Daryl's throat was getting tight and his eyes widened at his confession. "I woke up in the hospital a few days later and hated myself for not getting it done."

  
"Sometimes I look back at that and think, what's stopping me from trying it again?" Jesus looked over at Daryl and his shoulders were tense and his eyes were round and teary.  
"We're not living for ourselves anymore, Daryl. We live for each other. We're stronger together. And they're stronger with you." Jesus stared into his eyes intensely hoping the man understood."And believe it or not, that's not the only reason they want you here."

  
Jesus turned back to look out above the lake. It was silent for a while, and he started to relax his shoulders. It was beautiful out right now. The sun was starting to go down now, and the orange hue lit the trees and sky. It reflected over the lake. The birds that still haven't flew south for the winter yet were chirping in the trees. Crickets were singing along with them. Everything seemed peaceful.

  
Jesus felt Daryl sit himself down next to him. He felt the warmth that was radiating off of Daryl and he unconsciously leaned into it. He wished winter wasn't well on it's way. You could feel the chill in the air now that the sun was starting to go down. It made him shiver.

  
"I wouldn't of done it." Daryl said with his raspy voice.

  
Jesus just looked over to him and took in his features. His hair was hanging over his cheeks and his eyes peeked out, gazing out into the distance. He looked calm now. For the first time in days. Jesus couldn't look away, so he just wanted to take it in. Daryl was relaxed sitting next to him in the grass. Alive. And if Daryl noticed him staring, he said nothing about it.

  
"Everything's going to be okay, you know." Jesus said pulling his knees up and huggin them.

  
Daryl dropped his head and nodded. "Yeah."

 

*

 

When they got back, it was pitch black out. It took a little longer to get back considering they only had a knife to share between them, and they ran into quiet a few walkers on their way. Daryl took care of most of them. Probably a stress relief thing.

  
Rick, Michonne, Denise and Alex were waiting at the doors when they got inside.

  
"Oh thank god! we were just headed out to go looking for you two. She broke the fever, but Dr. Carson said he can't promise she won't catch another one." Denise looked slightly worried, but hopeful.

  
"How did you get here?" Daryl asked her, as he caught view of Alex reaching out to hug Jesus.

  
"Took a car not long after you left. I would've never forgiven myself if I didn't come and she..." Her eyes shined with emotion.

  
"She okay now?" Jesus pulled away from Alex's hug and started off toward the medical trailer, with everyone following close behind.

 

*

 

Everyone sat around Tara and chatted amongst one another as she slept. No one wanted to leave. Their nerves were still shot and the anxiety of knowing she could strike another fever at any moment again was overwhelming.

  
"Maybe you guys should get some rest. We have a few extra beds inside Barrington House you guys can have for the night." Alex offered them.

  
"I'm staying here. I can't leave her." Denise said immediately.

  
Rick nodded his head to her and looked back to Alex and considered it.

  
"We should get some rest. I'm going back to my trailer and I'll come check in every couple hours." Jesus stated. Alex's eyes darted to him.

  
"M' going to go with you. Won't be able to sleep anyway." Daryl nodded to Jesus.

  
Rick and Michonne nodded and said their goodbyes to everyone and followed Alex out and towards the house. Daryl didn't miss the daggers Alex shot him on his way out of the trailer. He could only huff an annoyed snort. He was only protecting Jesus from the prick. Fucking guy was a peace of shit.

  
"Come on. I need to turn the heater on before it gets to cold." Jesus braced himself as he stepped out into the cold night.

 

*

 

When Daryl stepped into Jesus's trailer, he felt overwhelmed with curiosity. Jesus's walls were filled with random items. Some being rather odd, which really through Daryl off on what he thought of the man. Not that it was a bad thing, he just always imagined the man to be simple, that's all.

  
Jesus was right about one thing though. It was cold as hell. He hadn't realized how chilly it had gotten. They've been stuffed into the small medical trailer for hours just generating body heat that Daryl felt was cooking them alive. This felt kind of nice on his heated skin though.

  
He sat on one of the kitchen chairs around Jesus's little table and leaned back in it, trying to make himself comfortable. Jesus crowded around his small little gas heater rubbing his hands together. He was looking small again, like earlier that day when he was sitting in the grass. Daryl wondered how this incredibly physically fit man could look so small and frail one minutes and then the next minute his muscles are bulging out as he takes down another walker.

  
"You like that magician movie?" Daryl grunted out after taking a look around the room and spotting many movie posters of Harry Potter. Jesus just huffed out a tired laugh and smiled.

  
"They were wizards. And yes. Actually, I really liked the books too when I was a kid. I read all 7 of them within a summer. They helped me get through a lot." Jesus turned around so he was facing Daryl."Plus Harry was pretty hot."

  
"Your mom?" Daryl looked over to him awkwardly, ignoring the last thing Jesus added. He wasn't used to engaging in causal conversations, but after today, he felt like he should throw Jesus a bone.  
Jesus just nodded his head and smirked at him without emotion.

  
They both turned to stare at the door as light knocks echoed in small room. Jesus walked over to open the door and crossed his arms as the cold seeped back in.

  
"Can I talk to you, Paul?" Alex's eyes drifted over to Daryl and back to Jesus.

  
"It's late, Alex. I'll find you in the morning okay?" Jesus offered uncomfortably.

  
"Paul, please?"

  
Daryl huffed a laugh. How pathetic was this kid?

  
Jesus sighed and nodded his head.

"Give me a minute. I'll meet you at our old spot okay?" Jesus's tone was hushed and he looked like he knew he shouldn't be meeting him this late. Or at all.

  
Jesus closed the door and leaned his head against the back of it. He let out a tired sigh and Daryl just shook his head at him. The kid could make his own stupid choices. It wasn't his problem.

  
"I won't be long." Jesus hurried to cover himself with his coat, not looking at Daryl. "Feel free to snoop around."

  
"M' good." Daryl sunk lower in his seat and rested his eyes.

  
And when the door clicked Daryl rolled his eyes behind his eyelids. It shouldn't bother him like it did.

 

*

 

"Please stay." Alex begged under his hushed tone.

  
"Alex, I can't. Not now." Jesus couldn't look him in the eyes. Alex was leaning over him with his arm resting behind Jesus's head, against the brick foundation of Barrington House.

  
"Why? Is it because of him?" Alex gestured behind him, referring to Daryl. His eyes flashed anger and then it quickly disappeared.

  
"Daryl? He isn't even gay, Alex." Jesus said snidely."Besides why would it matter? You're with Wes."

  
"Paul." Alex dropped his head and shook it in a daze. "You have no idea how much I miss you. I can't-"

  
"Don't say things you don't mean. You only say that when Wes won't have you. You come find me, we hook up and then you avoid me for weeks." Jesus looked away from his face, that was a little to close for Jesus's liking.

  
"You know that's not how it is, Paul. I love you." Alex let out a breathy sigh. "Besides he doesn't....touch me like you do." Alex's voice lowered at the former. His breath was hot on Jesus's face and Jesus could only stare at the ground.

  
Jesus looked up at him after a moment and saw the genuine sadness there. He felt pity in his gut and had to admit to himself that he cared for this man, but not in the way Alex wanted him to. He loved Alex. But It's just gone to far, and he couldn't live like that anymore. He didn't want this. It was unfair to Wes and to himself. He couldn't sleep with that guilt anymore. As much as it hurt, he had to cut Alex out completely.

  
"I can't do this. I'm sorry. I just can't, Alex." Jesus looked down again, a frown growing on his exhausted face.

  
Alex looked away and sniffed a bit from the realization that this was the end, and maybe a bit from the sharp cold air as well. Jesus watched him nod at him in acceptance.

  
"Can I have just one last kiss, and I'll leave you alone." Alex pleaded.

  
Jesus's round glossy eyes searched Alex's, questioning himself. Should he? He didn't know if it would send the wrong signals. But If this was going to be the end of them, he at least deserved proper closure.

  
Jesus looked down at Alex's pale lips and leaned forward. Alex closed the gap and gave him a soft open mouthed kiss. Jesus felt the sadness and it lasted a little longer than it should've, Alex hadn't wanted to pull back. Jesus kissed him back anyway, showing him that he did care too. But this was it. This was a goodbye, not a continuation.

  
"Alex?...Paul?....What the fuck!?" Wes came out from the side door, and stopping in his path. The shock was evident on his face.

  
Jesus and Alex pulled back suddenly and gaped at Wes. He was standing there with horror in his eyes. And Alex stared back with the same expression.

  
"Wes, It's not what you think!" Alex walked to him, trying to get him to listen.

  
Wes side armed Alex and charged forward at Jesus and balled his first up, and took one hard swing at him and landed it straight square in the face. He halled back, swung again and got Jesus in the lip, busting it open and Jesus stumbled back, losing his footing. People started to gather around, wondering what all the commotion was.

  
"Fuck!" Wes shouted, as he turned and charged off.

  
Alex followed after Wes, calling for him. The rest of the stragglers stared at Jesus as if questioning him.

  
Jesus stood there in shock. Adrenaline still pumping throughout his body. Not only did he lose one friend tonight, but now two. And really they were the only real friends he had at Hilltop. And now the rest of Hilltop would probably think of him as a home-wrecking asshole. Great. He needed to get out of there and clean himself up before everyone starting questioning him. He felt ashamed and tired. So he stormed off back toward his trailer with his head down, avoiding anybody who acknowledged him.

 

*

 

When Jesus got back to his trailer Daryl was snoring softly, so he tried shutting his door as quietly as possible. He just wanted to crash into his bed and never leave the place again. But it's been about an hour since they left the medical trailer, and he wanted to check in on Tara soon. So no sleep for him just yet. Maybe he could pass some time by cleaning himself up first.

  
He walked down the small hallway and into his small bathroom. He closed the door halfway, and turned the warm water on. He stared at himself in the mirror. He wore the shame and guilt all over his face. His eyes glossed over at he rolled his eyes at himself. He tried shrugging it off. He started noticing all the new features on his face. It was sunken in, more so that it had been, and his eyes were drooping from the lack of sleep. His right eye starting to turn purple from Wes's hit. Jesus knew he could've block the punch, but he let him have it. He knew he deserved it.

  
Jesus started to wipe the blood from his lip. It was dry and crusty and it stung when he dragged the rag over it. He winced in pain as the sting radiated throughout his head. He sighed and dropped the washcloth over the sink, giving up on caring about it.

 

  
*

 

Jesus lightly shook Daryl from his sleep and watched his peaceful looking faced turn into one of fear. He startled awake and jumped back from him. Daryl became aware of his surroundings, the threatening tightness in his chest relaxed, and he looked up at Jesus's face and took in the new black eye, and split lip.

  
"What happened to you?" Daryl grunted out as he collected himself, shifting upright in the chair and running his fingers over his eyes.

  
"Nothing." Jesus rolled his eyes feeling stupid. "I'm going to go check on Tara if you want to come."

  
"Yeah." Daryl nodded as he stared up at the still bloodied lip.

 

*

 

Daryl sat at Tara's bedside like he did earlier that day. This time the atmosphere felt a lot lighter. It was filled with relief, but still a touch of uneasiness. Jesus stood behind Daryl as he held her hand again. Denise sat opposite of Daryl leaning back in the chair, trying to get some sleep. They were all silent just taking in the comfort of being there together. Tara would doze off here and there but she would give Daryl's hand a squeeze every time she would come back to.

  
Jesus leaned against the wall and couldn't stop himself from thinking about what had happened between him and Alex. And then Wes catching them. He just couldn't focus on anything but the guilt that was twisting his gut. Wes was probably heartbroken. Not only did his boyfriend cheat on him, but one of his only friends went behind his back to do it as well. Jesus rolled his shoulders back and tried to free himself from the weight.

  
"You guys should go back to your rooms. You need to get some sleep. I'll be okay." Tara whispered to them in a groggy voice. Denise stirred in her chair.

  
Jesus looked down to see Daryl nod his head in exhaustion. "Yeah. Okay."

  
"We'll be back in a few hours to check in. Get some sleep, Tara." Jesus smiled over to her and reached down to give her leg a comforting squeeze.

  
"Love you guys." Her voice was barely above a whisper and her eyes were closing.

  
"We love you too." Jesus assured her for the both of them.

  
He realized he's never heard the other man even mention the word love. He thinks it might be kinda funny to hear at this point. Not in the way that as if he wouldn't mean it, but in the kind of funny way he'd imagine him saying it, awkward and shy, coming from someone so confident.

  
Jesus almost jumped when he felt Daryl's hand on his back guiding him out of the doors.

 

*

 

"You can have my bed. I'm not going to be able to sleep anyway." Jesus said tiredly as he started sorting random books laying around.

  
"Chair's fine." Daryl fell into it and scooted himself down far enough for him to be able to doze off.

  
"Well, offer still stand if you ever change your mind." Jesus said nonchalantly as he starting rummaging through his messy shelves.

  
"What are ya doing?" Daryl huffed out as he peeked an eye open.

  
"I don't really know." Jesus chuckled to himself.

  
"You've been acting funny. This about why your face is busted up?"

  
Jesus bowed his head and shook it.

  
"Wes caught Alex and I." Jesus sighed. "We...I told him that I couldn't do it anymore. He asked me for once last kiss. It was a goodbye. I shouldn't of..."

  
Daryl could only chuckle. Jesus glanced at him in annoyance.

  
"Not that you'd understand. But he deserved closure." Jesus said with just a hint of snark.

  
"Yeah. The guy deserved one last bang." Daryl said sarcastically.

  
Jesus turned around and glared at him. His stomach was already in knots and this was only adding to it. What did Daryl know anyway? He didn't know the whole story. He didn't know how it was before Wes. He didn't know how much they both fought to stay away from each other after. He just didn't understand.

  
"You don't know him." Jesus tried to keep his cool. "And we didn't have sex."

  
"I know enough." Daryl huffed and leaned his head back, raising his arms behind his head in a stretch.

  
Jesus just sighed and started putting books in random spots, pretending that he knew what he was doing. His mind was spinning in circles, and he wondered why he felt like he needed to defend Alex. Sure they were friends, but Daryl was right. Alex didn't deserve closure. He was being selfish. And Jesus knew he was also in the wrong. but he still couldn't find it in himself to not be angry at the grumpy asshole behind him.

 

*

 

When the morning came, Jesus and Daryl were fast asleep. Jesus slowly came out of his hazy sleep, and realized his neck was cramped up and sniff. Jesus must have fallen asleep up against his bookshelf with his head resting on one of the shelves. When he opened his eyes, he noticed his blanket was draped over his shoulders and his pillow was laying next to him on the floor. He looked over to Daryl as he still sat there slouched down in the chair, with his arms crossed and his head tilted back. He looked completely out and Jesus couldn't stop himself from letting out a tired laugh. Who knew Daryl could actually be kind?

  
Jesus sighed when he realized that last night really happened and he had to go out there and face everyone with the evidence plastered all over his face. This wasn't going to go smoothly and he knew it. Wes was still probably fuming and Jesus knew he was going to run into Alex at some point today considering he was Dr. Carson's only assistant.

  
When Jesus dropped his head back onto the shelf and it made a louder noise than he intended. It must've been loud enough to startle Daryl awake, because his whole upper half shot up out of his chair and jolted back and forth looking around for a threat.

  
"Sorry." Jesus's voice was groggy and he rubbed the back of his head in annoyance.

   
Daryl relaxed back into his chair when he realized it was nothing. He sighed deeply and rubbed at his sleep filled eyes. He still looked exhausted but a lot less than he had before. Which was good, considering Daryl just looks progressively more and more tired as the days go on, until he finally crashes one day and sleeps for hours and hours.

  
"Got any food around here?" Daryl's voice was deep and raspy from sleep.

  
"Yeah. I got some oatmeal down in that cabinet." Jesus pointed behind him. "Would you grab me one too? I'll boil some water."

  
Daryl handed him the oatmeal and leaned back in his chair. He watched Jesus get up and walk around to start boiling the water. His face was now swollen and his eyes were puffier than they usually are. There were deep shades of blue and purple around his right eye, and his lip was split with dark purple hues around it as well. Daryl just shook his head to himself in disbelief.

  
"Thanks for the blanket last night." Jesus sighed, hoping that the older man hadn't held a grudge from their small bickerment last night.

  
"You were shivering like a damn leaf. Thought the trailer was gonna come down." Daryl used his usual hard tone.

  
"Yeah. Sorry. I didn't mean to fall sleep." Jesus sighed as he ripped open the little packets of oatmeal and poured them into the boiling water.

  
"Rick came back a few hours ago, he just checked in on her. He said she was fine. She was still sleeping. Denise said we should wait until morning to visit. So we can go over once this is done."

  
Daryl nodded his head at him in acknowledgment.

 

*

 

Jesus spent the day going back and forth between his trailer and the medical trailer. Daryl was off somewhere with Rick and Michonne probably discussing plans for Maggie when she arrives to have the baby. It's getting closer and closer and Jesus thought maybe he could clear a space for her in his trailer. She might feel more comfortable here instead of some random room with no lock in Barrington House.

  
It's been a long day already and it was only mid afternoon. The sky was dark with clouds and he assumed it would start raining within the hour. At least it would be good for their crops. Jesus hated the rain. It always reminded him of his childhood, on days he couldn't escape the house from his mother's drunken partners. They'd taunt him, and say hurtful things about his mother. Jesus just rolled his eyes now thinking about it. It wouldn't change anything being upset about it.

  
It was close to dark when he decided to go back to the medical trailer to check on Tara one last time before retreating to his trailer for the night. When he reached it, he heard loud chattering behind the door.  
When Jesus opened the door, Rick, Michonne, Daryl, Denise, and Alex stood around Tara. Jesus's eyes immediately locked with Alex's and his throat closed in on him. He swallowed thickly and stepped inside, stepping in behind Daryl's seat.

  
"Right so, Dr. Carson said she should be okay within a couple days. And she'll be good to go home. We'll send you home with some antibiotics for her to finish off." Alex smiled fakely at her, trying to conceal his nervousness.

  
"Good. Thank you so much Alex." Denise smiled to him.

  
Rick nodded at him in appreciation.

  
Alex's eyes landed on Jesus again and walked over to him. "Just a minute. I need to talk to you."

  
"I don't think that's a good idea." Jesus said quietly, even though everyone around them could hear anyhow.

  
"Just one minute." Alex pleaded.

  
"I can't." Jesus looked away from his desperate eyes.

  
"Please, Paul."

  
"He said no, you fucking prick. Now get out of here." Daryl snarled at him.

  
Alex looked down at him and must have felt threatened because he turned on his heal and darted out of the door. Jesus sunk back down the wall and let his head fall into his hands.

  
"What was that about?" Tara said in the most healthy sounding voice she's had in days.

  
"Long story." Jesus offered.

  
"Was he the one that did that?" Tara pointed to his face. Trying to piece everything together.

  
Rick and Michonne both glanced between Jesus and Daryl and then back to each other as if silently communicating. Daryl sunk back in his seat in annoyance and crossed his arms.

  
"I'll tell you all about it once you get better." Jesus said tiredly.

  
"Alright." She smiled at him. "Go home. Get some sleep. It's late" She added once she realized how exhausted he look.

  
"Actually all of you. Go to bed." Tara laughed.

  
They shared one last laugh and said their goodbyes for the night, shuffling out of the trailer. Jesus and Daryl both headed off back towards Jesus's trailer, without a word.

 

*

 

It was so late in the night when Jesus and Daryl heard light knocking on the door, that they both shot out of their deep sleeps. Daryl leaned up from the floor and looked over to Jesus in confusion. Jesus shuffled off from the bottom of his bed and walked over to open the door. Of course it had been Alex.

  
"Alex please. If Wes finds out your here right now..." Jesus leaned out from the door trying to get as much privacy as he could.

  
"Just a minute, Please. I don't want your guard dog to hound me down. I just want to talk outside. Just one minute."

  
Jesus sighed. "One."

  
When Jesus and Alex rounded the corner of his trailer, they sat on a bench in the middle of all the scattered trailers. No one would be out this late. No use in hiding.

  
"I don't know what to do, Paul. I'm losing my head." Alex dropped his face in his hands above the table.

  
"I don't know what you want me to say."

  
"Wes hates me. And you. He says he wants to kill you."

  
"I probably deserve it." Jesus looked away shamefully.

  
"I'm so sorry, Paul, I know how much he means to you too. I didn't mean for all of this to happen."

  
"What's done is done. We can't change it."

  
Alex sighed and stared at Jesus with admiration. Like they weren't in the situation they were in currently.

  
"I love you, Paul. You know that? I do. I love Wes. But you're....so amazing" Alex sighed in sadness.

  
"Don't say that. You made your choice. I still care about you, but I've moved on Alex. Now you should too."

  
Alex took a long considering look at Jesus and scratched at his chin in a nervous way. It was cold out now and Alex could see Jesus starting to shiver.

  
"You like him don't you?" Alex eyed him. Trying to find any hint of nervousness.

  
"If you're still talking about Daryl, we're hardly friends." Jesus looked down at his lap and his thrummed him fingers.

  
"I see the way you look at him. And the way he protects you. I'd say you were more than friends." Alex voice was filled with jealously and he tried to contain his annoyance.

  
"Daryl tries to fight anyone with a heartbeat."

  
"Well, he's got a little leash hung around you. I'd say it was more than just fighting someone to get his rocks off." Alex rolled his eyes.

  
"What's that supposed to mean?" Jesus glared at him.

  
"I'm just saying. You were meant to come home after a couple days, and now you've been gone for months, and you come back here with him...twice, and now he's staying in your trailer with you. I see what's happening. So you can stop lying, and just admit that you're in love with him."

  
Jesus just stared at him dumbfounded, he almost felt like laughing. He was so off base that it was comical. He couldn't be serious? Him in love with Daryl? I mean, He cared about the guy a lot. He was rough around the edges but he stuck his neck out for him whenever he felt like he needed to. And that's more than most people have ever done for him. Daryl may be an asshole most days, but he knew what he had to walk around with everyday. He knew how damaged he was, and even with all of his own problems, Daryl only ever thought about others. He was selfless. And that was a quality that was extremely rare in this new world. He respected it. And he admired it. That's why he's been there for him these past few months. He needed someone to take care of him, though Daryl would never admit it. But that didn't mean he was in love with him.

  
"What?" Jesus just chuckled.

  
"I get it." Alex nodded his head and looked off into the night. He seemed like he was in deep thought. "Just take care of yourself Paul."

  
And with that Alex stood up from the bench and walked off into the dark village.

  
"What?" Jesus said out loud to himself.

  
He scrunched his eyebrows in confusion and got up himself and headed back to his trailer. It was way to late in the night to stay up worrying about it any longer. Jesus stepped back into his trailer and basically fell back into his bed without even taking his coat off. He was only conscience enough to hear Daryl sleepily ask him if he was okay. But he was to tired to reply so he fell into a deep slumber not worrying about anyone or anything.

 

*

 

The next day went by so fast that Jesus hardly even registered that it was getting dark again. He spent most of the day hanging out with Michonne, Denise, and Tara. He brought his deck of cards and they played various games all day. Tara seemed to be in better spirits. And Jesus caught Denise staring at her with a big smile on her face more than once. It was a little overwhelming to watch them. they were so fond of each other that he felt like he was intruding. it made him realize what he was missing in his life, someone that cared deeply about him like that. He frowned at his own current situation. The fact that he was the main reason for destroying Wes and Alex's relationship only sat harder on his chest. He ruined it for them.

  
Rick and Daryl popped in a few times throughout the day. They were busy helping the others bring in a few new trailers they must've found. But now that it was getting dark Jesus expected them to come in one last time before retiring to bed again. Tonight was the last night Tara needed to stay and Jesus assumed they'd return back to Alexandria sometime the following day.

  
As if on cue, Rick and Daryl rolled in moments later. Daryl seemed a little ticked off and Rick looked a bit ruffled himself. And then Jesus noticed the light purple shades under Daryl's eyes. They looked just like his right eye. He furrowed his eyebrows with worry but kept quiet. He realized that Alex hasn't been in all day, which was unusual considering he checks in every couple hours.

  
The two men came in and sat in the empty seats and asked their usual questions, checking on Tara to see how she was feeling. Jesus sat there keeping to himself. He's been there most of the day and he was already aware of her progress.

  
"So Dr. Carson said I'll be good to go in the morning. I just have to take it easy. I'm still a little weak. But I should be fine in a few days."

  
"Daryl and Jesus are going to take a van back home. You and Denise will go with them."Rick directed to Tara. "Michonne is coming with me for back up. And we'll follow you guys back."

  
Jesus glanced over to Daryl as he nodded to him in acknowledgment.

 

*

 

On their walk back to Jesus's trailer, Daryl was completely quiet, which wasn't usual, but Jesus could tell something was up, considering he was sporting those darkening eyes. He just didn't know how dangerous it was to prod him for answers right now.

  
"You okay?" Jesus asked quietly, as if he hadn't really meant to ask it out loud.

  
"Yeah."

  
"What happened?"

  
"Nothin'"

  
"Alex didn't come to see Tara all day and you have a black eye."

  
"You should see him." Daryl chuckled bitterly

  
"Did you fight him?" Jesus stopped in his path abruptly and stared at Daryl a hint of anger washing over him.

  
"Fucker should watch his mouth. He's lucky I didn't kill 'im" Daryl grunted out

  
Jesus just stared at him as he tried to gather his thoughts. He didn't know what to feel. He knew how Alex could be. How he can just rattle off and say things he shouldn't. Maybe he deserved it. But on the other hand, Jesus knew better than to think Daryl hadn't been guilty of running his mouth as well. He wondered what all was said, and if Alex had insinuated that Daryl was in love with him as he had done to Jesus the night before. He figured if he had, Daryl would be avoiding him right now, to avoid any further speculation.

  
"He thinks I left him for you." Jesus sighed.

Daryl twisted his face in confusion.

  
"He said that to me last night. I told him that he was wrong, but you can't change Alex's mind once it's set." Jesus rolled his eyes.  
Daryl was silent.

  
"I shouldn't have said anything. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

  
"Nah." Daryl swayed from side to side as he walked as if he was unaffected.

  
Jesus just watched him as they walked together, nearing in on the trailer.

 

*

 

"Why did you leave?" Daryl asked from his makeshift bed on the floor, below Jesus's.

  
"Sasha and Maggie needed me. I felt like I owed it to your people. After you lost so many people."

  
"You lost people here too." Daryl questioned.

  
The room felt weird, like the usual tension and resistance that hung around Daryl wasn't there in that moment. It was like he suddenly felt relaxed enough to be able to allow himself to engage in actual conversation.

  
"I always felt like a caged animal here. I'd never be here when I was here, you know?"

  
Daryl hummed in acknowledgment.

  
"After the turn...even before, I didn't really have anyone. No one cared to get to know me, or cared for me. Even Alex." Jesus sighed. "But After I met Sasha and Maggie and Tara, and everyone really....I've never felt more at home." Jesus admitted openly. He suddenly felt very vulnerable. Maybe a little to much.

  
Daryl was silent.

  
"it's stupid, I know."

  
"s' not stupid."

  
Jesus just signed and turned over on his side to get comfortable. His bed felt cold and unwelcoming, but he tried to nuzzle himself into it more anyway just to get some warmth built up.

  
"Goodnight Daryl."

 

*

 

Screams woke Jesus up instantly. The chills ran down his back almost immediately. His eyes widened in panic as he shot out of bed. Daryl was tossling on the floor from side to side, kicking at chairs and anything that got in his way. Jesus fell off his bed and leaned over to start shaking him.

  
"Daryl! Daryl!" Jesus yelled calmly."It's okay. You're okay. Wake up."

  
Daryl whimpered and jolted away from him and started kicking his legs again.

  
"No! Not Glenn! Not Glenn!" Daryl shouted.

  
Daryl's skin was shining with sweat and his face looked like he was in pain. Jesus needed to wake him up before the dream got any worse.

  
"Daryl! It's me. It's Paul. Wake up. It's okay." Jesus rubbed at his arm with comfort.

  
"No! Please!" Daryl was crying now and Jesus's stomach twisted with anger. Fuck that piece of shit. He maybe dead but he still haunted everyone each day. Daryl more so than anyone else, and Jesus wanted resurrect him just to kill him again for it.

  
"Daryl!" Jesus shouted again."Wake up!"

  
Daryl shot up from the floor with wide panicked eyes. His hair clung to his wet forehead and his mouth hung open as the sobs still shocked through him. Jesus reached out to grab him and wrap his arms around him protectively.

  
"It's okay."

  
Jesus rested his cheek on Daryl's shoulder as Daryl slumped over him. He rubbed his hands up and down his back in a calming motion. Daryl's breathing was still erratic and he took deep breaths every so often to calm himself down. The breathing techniques that Jesus taught him were turning out to be working.

  
"Fuck." Daryl grunted under his breath. Probably at his own embarrassment.

  
Without even thinking about it Jesus said, "C'mon. Let's lay in my bed. It's cold on the floor."

  
Daryl tensed under his hold, and then nodded against his shoulder and waited until Jesus moved away from him to stand up and sit down on the bed. Daryl sat down first and laid his head back against the wall.  
"You want to talk about it?"

  
Daryl shook his head and sighed deeply. He just wanted to go back to sleep. But this time not dream of that horrible horrible night. Jesus watched him carefully as he laid on his side and ran a tired hand through his long silky hair.

  
"Lay down. You can sleep here. I can take the floor if you want." Jesus asked honestly as if laying on the floor wouldn't ruin his own back.

  
"Nah. You're fine."

  
Jesus nodded and pulled up Daryl's pillow from the floor and placed it next to his own and patted it. Jesus smiled softly at him and laid his own tired head on his pillow.

  
Daryl wondered how in the hell he ended up laying on his side, with Jesus's hands running up and down his back, so slowly that it almost wasn't soothing anymore but like Jesus was exploring his body. Daryl choked on his own tongue and went frigid. What the hell was happening and how has this become a thing that keeps happening? Daryl doesn't know when it clicked in his head that this was something he felt comfortable with. If anyone else asked him to crawl into bed with them in the middle of the night he'd probably roll his eyes and tell them to fuck off. But Jesus gave him this feeling of comfort that he hasn't felt with anyone else. Like Jesus wouldn't judge him like anyone else would. He just understood him to well. So Daryl just kind of let himself be comforted and if he enjoyed Jesus's presence a little more than just for the sake of his own sanity then that would be a little secret he'd keep to himself.

  
"It's okay. Just try to get some sleep."

Jesus rubbed his back a few more times and rolled over to sleep as if he hadn't confused the hell out of Daryl. Cause now Daryl was staring at the wall wishing Jesus was still rubbing small circles into his back. 

 


End file.
